Page 48 of When We Are Old

I held my hands for her, and she stepped in and welded herself to my chest. A flutter of pride bloomed inside me. She might be a teenager. Might be able to sneak vodka into parties, might be rude to me, might be a fucking nightmare, but she was mine.

“This way?” Matthew pointed to where Jackson had been lurking.

“Thanks.”

We trailed behind him, neither of us having anything to say. Downstairs, I could hear Ange banging around in Ma’s kitchen. Oh God, Ma… She would crucify me for this.

This stuff never happened on her watch.

“I’m sorry again, Mum.” Hannah wiped at her face and I gave her a helping hand, rubbing at the dried mascara tracks.

“Don’t worry. I'll call all the parents and apologise. We’ll need to get to the bottom of what happened.”

I’d rather take a bullet to the head then make those calls. Twice. Hannah didn’t need to know that though.

Matthew had put Annabelle on the bed and turned for us. “I can help.”

I cringed. “Thank you. But I think the calls have to come from me.”

He nodded slowly and the moment stretched into awkwardness until Hannah broke it. “Are you staying, Matthew?”

“Oh. No. I’ll go back to the hotel.”

His major chords of Scottish hills and driving rain made me ache all over. A pulling yank of tiredness swept from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.

Hannah stared between us. “I’d like it if you stayed. That way you can help Mum i-if something goes wrong with A-Ana,” she stuttered as she shivered.

Matthew turned to me; his eyes bright. “I can help.”

I swallowed hard and tried not to focus on a crease on his shirt. Three, two, one, make eye contact. “It’s not your problem though.”

Matthew laughed, loud enough it’s a miracle Annabelle didn’t rouse from her stupor. “That’s one of the stupidest things you’ve ever said.”

Hannah laughed, but I shot her down with a glare and she quickly zipped it up tight.

“I’ll get you some water and some crackers.”

She fell onto the bed, face first, settling next to her zonked out friend. I grabbed up her phone so I could try and get a contact number for Annabelle’s parents.

Matthew and I silently stepped out onto the hallway. “So you want to stay?” I asked. If I were him, I’d be running for the hills of freedom. Drunk teenage girls and breaking up a party don’t a perfect first date make. Nor does having your new girlfriend's psycho best friend turn up either.

“Yes, Ronnie.”

I sagged as my bones melted with a deep exhaustion. Matthew was going to stay the night in my childhood home, the one place I’d dreamed of him more than any other.

And he wanted to. Wanted to be here, helping, kind and courteous, giving and generous.

My heart would never survive this path we were on if I didn’t get to keep him forever.

I glanced back at Hannah, already asleep on her bed, her legs tangled in her duvet. Was there a chance that in the vortex of change we were all strewn in that we might all be able to get what we want?

In the kitchen I swiped a heavy hand at the work surface. It spread empty crisp packets and coke cans like hail across an empty playground.

“Hey.” Matthew caught my arm and tried to wheel me around. I might be small, but determination firmly stood on my side. “Ronnie?”

Pushing my palms into my eye sockets I dragged in a deep breath.

“Her mum is going to tell her off for the mess.”