Page 94 of Tears of Gold

I sit, my knees tucked up, hugging them close. Eli doesn’t come and neither do any doctors.

A decade passes by.

A hundred years.

Finally, the door opens. “For Dan Smith?” A balding short doctor comes in, pulling off gloves and throwing them into the bin by the door.

“Yes, I’m Faith Hitchin. He doesn’t have any biological family. I'm the closest person he has. Please tell me he’s okay?” I sob loudly, my throat so tight it hurts and aches.

“He was unconscious when he was brought in. He’s had his stomach pumped and we have him on a saline drip trying to flush his blood. But I’m afraid he hasn’t woken up yet. His heart stopped briefly, and we have no idea of the damage that has been done and we won’t until he wakes.”

“I don’t understand.” His words are jumbled. It’s as though someone has taken a Scrabble board and thrown it high into the air and the letters have fallen on the floor making words that no longer make sense, no longer mean anything. “What did he take?”

“That is what I wanted to ask you. Do you know how he would have gained access to morphine? The alcohol we can understand.”

“Al.” I cough and clear my throat. My right temple is banging loudly. “His father died of cancer in August; maybe Dan didn’t give back any unused medication.”

“That makes sense.”

“Is he going to wake up?”

The doctor rubs at his head. “He’s a strong lad, though it looks like he’s been putting himself through the ringer physically. I’m sorry, Faith, but it really is just a waiting game.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s covered in bruises; looks like he’s been in a fight.”

I have nothing to say to this. I don’t know what Dan has been doing. “Can I sit with him?”

“Of course.”

“Can I call my best friend Abi? The three of us have been best friends since we were children.”

He hesitates. “Normally I’d say no, but I’ll talk to the sister in charge and explain you are going to take it in turns.” He motions me out of the chair.

The Dan I find in the hospital bed, linked up to wires, battered and blue is nothing like the man I know. The man I’ve known all my life. The only man I’ve ever trusted until my heart grew and bloomed with Elijah.

I pull up the chair, grasping his hand, trying not to look at the plastic tube running into his veins. “What have you done?”

A loud sob echoes from my chest all around the room. I can’t hold in my terror, it flows out of me, washing me away on crests of despair.

How can this be happening? How blind have I been? I’ll never forgive myself for not trying harder.

“Dan, wake up.” I shake his arm, but he doesn’t move. “Dan, come on, I’m here. I can help you. I’ll get Abi and Adam and we can work through everything. It will just be us, the way it always was. I promise I will always be there for you. I promise.” My head falls onto his chest, my tears trickling onto the hospital gown, soaking the starched material. "We can fight together. I’m learning all about fighting.”

Lifting my head, I skim my fingers around his face, over bruises where I have no idea how they got there. “You are the only person who knows me, Dan. Who knows everything. I love you.”

I sob quietly until a shuffle from the door pulls my attention. Eli’s blues are dark and stormy, and his face tells me everything. It’s like he’s always guessed, I haven’t told him a damn thing, because even after all of this, after everything we’ve been through, I’m still running. Running from who I am, what I’ve done.

He doesn’t say a word. He nods with understanding and then closes the door. But I can’t chase after him, can’t call him down and make him wait because to do that I’d have to leave Dan, my friend who reminds me of how I looked one night in hospital when it was him who sat by my side.

Twenty-Two

I’m asleep, but wake when a gentle pressure lands against my shoulder. I sit up sharply, thinking Eli has come back; that he’s realised what I was saying wasn’t meant the way it sounded. I turn in relief, only to find Abi stood beside me. “Go and get some sleep, Faith. It won’t do you any good to get overtired; it’s not good for you or the baby.”

For a moment I don’t know what she’s talking about. I’m trapped in the past, caught up in shadowy dreams and dark secrets.

My baby. Eli’s baby.