Page 95 of Tears of Gold

“Eli was here.”

“Faith.” She bends and gives me a hug. “He’s still here. He came to ours to give you some privacy, but he’s driven me so I can take over.”

He’s here. I stand on shaky legs and walk for the door, casting one last glance over at Dan.

In the hallway, Eli is sat on one of those awful plastic chairs, his jacket folded in his lap. How come this morning we were measuring the store room and since then we’ve lurched from one disaster to another?

Bowsley.

Brighton.

Things designed to destroy us.

He rises when he sees me, his hands sliding from my shoulders down my arms and I cry. I cry so damn hard I can’t keep it in.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to hear that. It wasn’t what I meant.”

He shakes his head, but the blues are still dark, controlled. “Let’s get you home for some rest, it’s been a long day.”

“I can’t go back to London and leave him.”

He sighs. “I know. I meant let’s go back to Abi and Adam’s; they’ve sorted the spare room for you.”

I cry harder. Stupid tears. “Sorry.”

“Come.” He guides me out and I follow him blindly, dark exhaustion washing through me. By the time we are at the Range Rover, he’s holding my weight.

We drive to Abi’s in silence and he opens the door with a key he must have been given, walking me straight up the stairs where he puts me fully dressed into bed. He hesitates once I’m covered up.

“Don’t leave me,” I mumble, sleep pulling me down.

There’s a pause and it crushes my heart, then he pulls back the cover and slides in next to me, sitting on the mattress and pulling my head onto his lap like a pillow. I sleep restlessly as my past comes back to hurt me yet one more time.

I sit bolt upright when I wake. Eli is still sitting, his attention on his phone. “Any news?” I ask.

“No, nothing.”

“I need to get back there in case he wakes up.”

He nods and starts to get up. “Eli.” I catch his hand. “I love you so much. Thank you for being here for me.”

“You love him, too, though.” His smile is small.

“Not the same way; not the same way at all.”

“You still trust him with everything though.”

“That’s not true. He’s hardly talking to me. He doesn’t know anything that’s going on with me right now.”

“So, he doesn’t know how things are with us? That we are talking weddings and having a baby?”

“You make it sound like it isn’t.”

He laughs and I hate the hollow sound. “No, Faith. I make it sound like it is. You don’t want to tell him what you know will hurt him, but at the same time you won’t tell me anything he knows, which hurts me just as much.”

I rub my hands down my face. “You know I want to talk to you.”

“But you don’t. You wouldn’t even let me sit in on your meeting with Reggie. What is Dan allowed to know that I can’t? Why are you still hiding everything from me?”