Page 61 of Tears of Gold

Eli’s fingers smooth across my forehead and he leans down and brushes his lips after the path of his touch. I stare at the ceiling, counting. One, two, three, four, don’t run. One, two, three, four, don’t run.

A clicking sound fills the air and I stiffen automatically but then relax as Eli squeezes my fingers. “Faith, look.” His soft voice pulls me away from my counting.

My eyes fall first to him and then to the screen. Dr Vernon turns and smiles. “This is all looking very good, Faith." She points to the screen, her fingers moving around a distinctive shape. I’m expecting a blob. It’s what Babycentre told me to expect. A heartbeat within a blob. But there is a distinctive curve to the shape, one end bigger than the other; like a heart that’s been sat on by an elephant. “Here is the heartbeat.” She points to a flicker within the shape and my own heart thrums and flies in my chest. Tears leak out of my eyes. “And if my measurements are correct, I would say you are at eight weeks, four days.”

There is a baby in my tummy.

A lentil.

It’s in there and it’s mine.

Eli’s fingers tangle with mine, his tight hold squishing my engagement ring into my skin.

Ours. It’s ours.

I sob loudly, tears running across my skin, and he grins, bending down to kiss me on the lips. It’s the most perfect moment I’ve ever experienced. Sheer perfection. A light switches on deep within my brain and shines itself into my heart.

I don’t know what else to think except there on that screen is one thing that is ours. Just ours.

Fifteen

“Am I showing?” I stand in front of the mirror and stare at myself from the side.

“Showing what exactly?” Eli stretches on the bed. “Biscuits?”

“I’m sure this wasn’t here before.” I run my hand over the space between my hips. If I do it extra slow, I’m sure there is a little curve.

“You’re going to have to come over here so I can investigate.” He lifts an eyebrow. Eli is very much enjoying the fact I’m spending a lot of time lying down in bed. My nausea might be preventing me from walking but it’s not an issue for sex. There is a silver lining for everything.

“You’ve got to go to work.” I put my hands on my hips and shoot him a don’t shit me stare. “And I’ve got to go to class and then I want to see Tabs.”

“Are you still going to tell her?”

I nod. “Yes, I can’t keep it from her. It’s not fair after what she’s been through.”

He nods, but I know he doesn’t get it. He wants to tell everyone about that little thing inside me; its little heart beating away while my own beats and I walk us both around.

“Well hopefully the bloody jury will make their decision today.” He scowls with vehemence. We've been waiting days for Melanie’s jury to come back.

With every passing day I’ve become more and more uncomfortable that in a few months this could be me waiting to find out what will happen to Aiden. It’s becoming clearer to me with exceptional clarity that the justice system is no easy thing. Eli has been going into work every day to the corporate job he hates and waiting for the call for him to go back to court. His nerves are frayed but I know he is trying not to let it show. Trying but failing.

“You seem perky this morning?” He beams in my direction.

“I’m feeling good actually, not as sick as before. I wonder if it was the stress of not knowing that was making me feel ill, not the baby.”

His smile grows and he scrambles out of bed, coming closer and wrapping me in his arms. I breathe him in, letting the heat of his skin wash into mine. “Have I told you how much I love it when you talk about our baby?” The grin on his face is stupid, but that’s okay. I know mine is, too.

“You may have mentioned it a few times.”

“Just a few?” He smirks and fuck it’s sexy. “Maybe I’ll try to fit it in a few more times.”

“Get ready for work, I need to get on.” I push him away, but he doesn’t move and his obvious desire for me grows between us until it’s impossible for me not to stare at it.

“I think I need some assistance here.” He chuckles low and it makes my stomach dip down to my feet.

“In the shower?”

“Wherever the fuck you want.”