Page 100 of Mistaken Prejudice

“My love?” I heard Papa call me. He’d been standing behind me for a few minutes now, calling my name. I knew I must look crazy, standing in place and staring at our driveway, but I couldn’t help but hope that Andrei would change his mind and return to me. He had to come back.

“Miles?”

“What?” I finally answered, irritated.

“Let’s get back into the house,” he said, but there was no way I’d go back inside now. Andrei needed to come back.

“I can’t.”

“Mon lapin,” he spoke again, and I could feel his hand on my arm. “Let’s get back inside. We need to get back inside,” he spoke calmly in French, his voice melodic as if he was trying to put me to sleep. Why was he talking to me like this? As if my waiting here for my boyfriend to return wasn’t reasonable.

“I don’t want to go back inside,” I answered back in French.

“We can call Dr. Schwartz.”

My heart stopped at the mention of my therapist, and I clenched my fists.

“Why the hell would we do that?” I snapped, finally looking at Papa, who was standing so close I could see the worry on his face. It made me mad. “Tell me, why would we need to call him?” I shouted. In English this time.

He pressed his lips together before he gave me a forced smile, obviously considering how to answer me. He was so insecure it was humiliating.

“You’re upset, so perhaps speaking with him would help?”

“Will speaking to him make Andrei take back his words?” I asked, not minding how cynical and mean my voice sounded. When Papa didn’t answer, I sneered, “Didn’t think so.”

Fed up with how pathetic he was, I turned my back to him so my eyes were once again on our driveway, waiting for Andrei’s return. Perhaps I should be the one going after him? Yes. That’s what I should do.

I started to make my way back to the house to grab my keys when—

“Are you taking your meds?”

Papa’s question was thrown into the air like an atomic bomb, and just as expected, the damage was irreparable.

I stopped at once and stared right back at him, with my eyes wide with rage and my fists clenched tight.

“Are you for real?” I gasped. “Am I not allowed to be upset? Is that it?” I asked, my blood boiling and my heart pounding. “Am I not allowed to feel? Am I too crazy to feel, Papa?” I shouted, making sure to emphasize that one little word. Crazy. That’s what I was, wasn’t I? I was crazy, not perfect. That’s how Andrei called me. He said I was crazy right before he left. But how could he know?

“It’s not what I meant!” Papa protested.

“Did you tell him?” I stepped closer and leaned into his personal space. “Did you tell him anything?” I asked again. My throat hurt from how hard I screamed.

Someone grabbed me, and a glance over my shoulder confirmed it was Dad holding on to me.

“Did you tell him anything?” I asked again, my eyes darting from him to Papa, trying to find the answer in their eyes.

“Of course not, Miles. We didn’t tell Andrei anything.” Dad sounded so convincing. “I know you’re feeling intense right now, but let’s calm down,” he said, but how could he not get it? How could I calm down when Andrei knew how fucked up I was?

“I can’t. I need to go find Andrei,” I argued, but Dad’s grip only tightened.

“No, right now, we’re getting back inside the house.” He moved to wrap his arm around me, but I slipped underneath him.

My body was vibrating with need. I needed to find Andrei and explain everything. I needed to know he still loved me as much as I loved him. And I did. I loved him more than life itself.

“Miles, please, bébé. I know how you feel right now, but once you calm down, it will be better. Okay?”

“You?” I laughed. “You know how I feel? You know nothing.” My voice turned sharp, vengeful.

“You’re a pathetic, insecure man who starves himself whenever he begins to feel something.”