Page 124 of Kiss Me Like You Mean It

‘You’ve got lots of time,’ I point out.

‘I guess.’ Phoebe pushes her glasses up her nose. ‘Still,’ she sounds wistful, ‘it would be nice.’

‘Maybe we should sort out your passport,’ Nico muses. ‘Uncle Jack suggested we could all take a trip to England next summer.’

Phoebe’s entire face lights up. ‘England! Really? We could see Lee and Gran!’

There’s a fist around my heart and it’s squeezing tighter and tighter.

‘All right, Phoebe,’ Nico cuts in. ‘I think that’s enough excitement for one day. Why don’t you get ready for bed?’

‘Okay,’ Phoebe agrees. ‘But I want Lee to come with me tonight. We can read my book together. She wants to know what happens to the mermaid, don’t you, Lee?’ She turns to me, her eyes enormous behind her glasses.

Nico slides a glance at me.

‘Of course,’ I reply.

Getting Phoebe ready for bed is quite the ordeal. She’s not a baby, I have to understand. She doesn’t need someone to put her to bed, she doesn’t want to be read to, but she does like reading with someone. Especially if that someone commits to doing silly voices. She’ll even graciously concede to a small amount of snuggling, only for my benefit of course, and as we read we lie back against all her many, many stuffed toys, my arm around her shoulders.

She smells like clean laundry and strawberry toothpaste. Taco curls up in his position at the foot of the bed, heaving the occasional happy sigh.

We read until Phoebe starts to drift off, and I extract myself as gracefully as possible from the mountain of stuffies, ready to turn off the light.

‘Hey, Lee,’ Phoebe murmurs sleepily.

‘Yes?’

‘Do you think it’s funny that my dad calls me Bee and he calls you Daisy? We’re like a set.’

I freeze, my finger on the switch on her bedside lamp. ‘Yes,’ I croak, ‘I suppose we are.’

She snuggles down into her pillow, the window between awake and asleep snapping shut in an instant. She looks so small and defenceless all of a sudden. I can see the baby in her, the younger version of who she is now. Her lashes fan against her round cheeks. There are freckles on the bridge of her nose.

My heart does something catastrophic inside my chest. The bottom drops out of my world.

When I glance up I find Nico leaning in the doorway, looking at us. His arms are crossed over his chest, his jaw is granite hard, his expression flat.

My heart is pounding, as we stare at each other. I feel like I’ve been caught out, doing something wrong.

Nico peels himself away from the door and hooks his thumb over his shoulder gesturing towards the living room. ‘I think you and I need to have a talk,’ he says, his voice low.

I swallow, and nod.

Then I turn off the light and follow him.

Chapter Forty

Nico

‘I’m sorry,’ Lee blurts, pretty much the moment the door shuts behind her.

Seeing as I’ve just realised I’m going to have to bare my soul to her and I’m in a state of extreme anxiety, it takes a moment for these words to land.

‘Sorry?’ I frown. ‘About what?’

‘About what Phoebe just said. About getting… too attached to her. I know I shouldn’t let it happen.’ She’s literally wringing her hands now. ‘I know it will make everything harder. I didn’t mean for it to all get so tangled up like this, for me to get so tangled up in your life.’ Her breath is coming fast. ‘I know it’s bad. I know it’s all going to hurt. I don’t want to hurt her. God, Nico,’ she looks at me and her eyes are glazed with tears, ‘I didn’t even realise I could hurt her before this. We should have talked about this ages ago. You’re angry and you’re right to be. I can’t believe…’ She’s so panicked, I reach out and wrap my fingers around her arms.

‘Stop,’ I say. ‘Breathe.’