Page 118 of Risking the Pucking Defense

I squeeze my eyes closed as the image of him lowering his head in defeat fills my head.

“Yeah. I told you I was being selfish.”

“You’re allowed to be,” I tell him honestly.

He lets out a pained sigh, and my heart sinks. I wish I could do more to help him. I wish I had some answers, but right now, I’m floating out in the middle of the ocean without a paddle. My future is up in the air, and until I know what’s happening, I can’t even comprehend making a decision about what direction I go in next.

I know what I want, but I fear that might not be an option.

“I really need to get going,” he says sadly. “Will you be watching?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss you kicking Boston’s asses.”

He chuckles, I think appreciating my confidence.

“Hell yeah, we are,” he says, a familiar lightness in his tone. “Can I talk to you after?”

“Aren’t you going straight to the airport for New York?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, sounding deflated all over again.

“Message me when you land.”

“No, you’ll be sleeping.” He hesitates. “Can I see you when I’m back?”

I hate myself when I don’t answer straight away. I want to say yes, I really fucking do. But …

“We’ll sort something out.”

“That doesn’t sound very positive.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just snowed under and⁠—”

“I understand. Listen, I really need to go.”

“Yeah, you do. We can’t have you getting in trouble. Good luck tonight. I’ll be watching.”

“Wearing my jersey?” he teases.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that.”

“Fucking hell, you’re killing me here, Hails.”

A smile pulls at my lips, warmth spreading through me. I love it when he calls me that. It makes me feel special, like I’m someone who matters. Someone important enough to have a nickname.

“I’ll talk to you soon,” I promise. It’s the best I can do.

“Not soon enough. Blow me a kiss when you see me later. I’m gonna need it.”

“You got it.”

The sound of him shuffling around fills the line as he gathers up his stuff. He’s putting off hanging up, and I love it just as much as I hate it.

“You need to go.”

“I know. I just don’t want to let you go now that I’ve got you.”

Emotion crawls up my throat, my eyes burning with tears I don’t want to shed.