Page 119 of Risking the Pucking Defense

“Go. Go and kill it tonight.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. I’ll speak to you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Bye, Hails. I miss you.”

The call cuts, but it takes me the longest time to lower my cell.

“Fucking hell,” I mutter.

Never in my life have I been pulled in two very different directions like this.

Before I moved here, my life had been dictated to me. I didn’t get to make my own choices; I had to live out other people’s ideas of what my life should be like.

When I walked away, I was determined to carve out my own path. And I did. I’m so fucking proud of everything I’ve achieved. Of course, I secured my position because of my PR experience, which ultimately came from my family. But after a lifetime of being surrounded by it, it’s the only thing I know. And as much as I might have wanted to cut all ties, I needed to use what I had. And that was PR.

I never expected there to be a situation where it might be taken away from me. As devastated as I am at the prospect, I also don’t regret a single second of it, because spending time with Hayden, even the short amount that we have, has taught me so much about my life and what I want out of it.

It’s shown me just how lonely I am. How much I’m missing out on because I’m too scared to let anyone in, to trust anyone.

Attending Linc and Parker’s engagement party and then their wedding showed me just a glimpse of what life could be like if I lowered my walls a little.

So has hanging out with Bea. She’s shown me that just because she’s connected to my past life, she doesn’t judge me for it, or force me to go back there when I don’t want to. She sees me as the person I am now, not the weak woman of my past who allowed herself to be controlled by those who thought they knew better.

Before I put my phone down and have a quick shower before getting ready for the game, I check my emails.

I haven’t heard anything from Esme or Anthony, the team owner, or even Gary, our GM, since walking out of the arena yesterday. Thankfully, everything I needed to do today could be done from here. My meetings were all video conferences. As far as I’m aware, I managed to get through them all as if nothing is wrong in my world.

But the longer I wait to hear something, the more concerned I’m getting.

The fact that they haven’t immediately fired me, I guess, could be seen as a good thing. But they haven’t decided that I can stay, either.

It means they’re discussing it. Discussing me. And the thought that I could be so easily disposable after everything I’ve given them over the years is devastating.

I love my job. I love the team I’ve built, and I love the entire organization. Having it ripped away from me will be one of the most painful experiences of my life, and I’m not ready for it.

Maybe there would have come a day when I’d have been ready to move on. But it’s not now. The Vipers are my entire life. If I have to walk away, I’m going to be left scrambling, trying to figure out who I am all over again. Just when I thought I was beginning to figure it all out.

With a Vipers hoodie on and not much else, my hair still damp, I settle on my couch with a glass of wine, ready to watch the game.

I’ve got to be honest, it’s not something I usually do. I’ll often have it on in the background while I’m working, just so I can keep up with anything that happens on the ice, but I don’t generally watch it with the level of interest I am right now.

I can barely sit still as I wait for the guys to burst onto the ice. There’s an image in my head of Hayden losing control and running off again, only this time, he can’t find anywhere to hide, and when he eventually does, no one chases after him.

The thought of him being alone and hurting cuts me up inside. I just want to be there. I just want to support him.

With the time ticking down until the first face-off, I’m a mess.

“Come on. Show me you’re okay,” I beg.

The camera pans around the arena, and the second I see movement in the tunnel, I slide to the edge of my seat.

There’s a sea of green and white, but other than Hansley at the front, it’s hard to make the others out.

I’m so focused on the screen, on getting a glimpse of Hayden, that when my apartment buzzes, it startles me so much that I fall off the couch.

“What the fuck?” I bark, jumping to my feet and swiping my cell from the coffee table.