Page 58 of The Coldest: Stay Dangerous Part 2

We don’t tell each other goodnight, but the air isn’t all weird like it’s been all day. I think we both got some understanding on the deck. I want to ask her about why she and Nan have beef, but it’s not hard to fill in the blanks, especially after eavesdropping on Ju and Rico’s argument.

But I don’t think they fucked. I don’t even think Ju likes him.

I think she just misses Fredo.

How hard it is to mourn the life you thought you’d be living right now. The father of her child is gone, while his carbon copy is walking around, raising her kid like his own. What a life to live before your frontal lobe is even developed fully.

I’m still surprised when I wake up the next day, and she’s gone.

Mars clings to me the entire day, crying on and off. I try my best to cheer him up, playing whatever games, watching whatever shows, drying his tears.

He falls into a fitful sleep that night in my bed, his little hand around my wrist like he can’t lose me either.

I spend hours staring at the wall, one hand fiddling with his braids, trying to piece together what exactly I said last night. Was something I said the reason she left? Was I too hard on her? I don’t think I was judgy… I genuinely just wanted to know.

How can anyone leave their kid behind?

My eyes dart to the door as it opens, and Rico comes in. He closes the door behind him, and pulls the chair next to the bed closer to take a seat.

“How is he?” he asks, dead eyes shifting between me and Mars.

“He’s what you’d expect.”

Rico sighs and leans his elbows on his knees, resting his head on his fists. His jaw keeps clenching; I’m surprised he still has molars.

“I wanna kill her Snow.”

“Rico–”

“She’s not a mother,” he hisses, cutting me off. “She never has been. Weak ass bitch; can’t believe Fredo nutted in her.”

“Rico. She was eighteen and pregnant when Fredo got killed. Five years isn’t that much time–”

“You defending that shit?” He balls up his face. “The bitch is weak, Snow. Pressing me over Mars fucking witchu but look where she at? Nowhere to be found. Look where you at? Doing her job.”

I scoot up just a little and glare at this idiot. “I know you’re Luney from the Birch, so you don’t comprehend human feelings, so let me break it down for you. I was sixteen when I got pregnant. Right after you and the guys hid at my house Labor Day Weekend after terrorizing the city with your stupid Tryouts. What if something happened to you? What if you never made it back to me? And all I had… was a piece of you growing inside of me, that you’d never meet?”

My voice cracks as intrusive thoughts play out what I’ve just said. A pregnant teen, her sweetheart slain to gang violence.

I don’t think I’d ever have recovered from that. I’d follow him wherever he was going, or wish I could every day for the rest of my life.

When I blink away my tears and meet his gaze again, his face has softened considerably.

“Five years wouldn’t be enough time for me to get over it,” I whisper.

He averts his eyes in lieu of a reply, but I continue.

“You have to forgive people for being people, Rico. Ju isn’t a bad person, even if she’s making bad decisions. She lost someone she loved, same as you. You can’t fault her–”

“As long as she’s hurting him, I’ll have a problem with her.” He stands, his glare turning intense.

“And that little scenario you came up with doesn’t make sense, Snow. You killed our baby, remember? I’m sure you’d have done the same thing if I got caught lacking.”

My heart shreds as he walks toward the door.

“Don’t ever in your life bring our baby up again.”

It’s low, but I hear it. And I let the tears fall as he closes the door behind himself.