Page 177 of The Coldest: Stay Dangerous Part 2

“Only you and Baby Girl know about my Safe Place. I told Reemie that you both can come here any time you need to. Girls like us need a safe place to be scared.”

“Girls like us?”

“Well, yeah,” YT shrugs. “Girls that never got a choice. We all were put into these boxes way before we had a chance to even figure out, well, even how to walk. Be strong. Be tough. Never show fear. Take care of everyone, hold onto them, even when they don’t hold onto you. You have the whole weight of your family, your lineage, the world on your shoulders, and expected to stand ten toes all the time. It’s isolating, whether you’re alone like you and Baby Girl, or the only girl, like me. Because regardless, you still wake up, and there’s so many layers you've put on, you don’t even remember who you are beyond what people tell you.

“And Baby Girl and me, we may not have coped the same as you, but you’re still one of us.”

“We can take turns,” Brina adds, rubbing her thumb on the back of my hand. “Or we can all be scared together. Just be three scared bitches in the closet.”

We all snort embarrassingly, before letting laughter bubble out more.

After all, it’s our Safe Place. We could be whatever we wanted in here, whether it’s three nerds who snort when they laugh…

Or three scared bitches in the closet.

“So, this is what it feels like to have real girl friends,” I say, wiping my face once more.

“I like the term sister, but since yours and mine are insanely territorial, I’ll just agree with you.” Brina winks at me, then gestures to YT, who has smoke coming out of her ears.

“My Safe Place is about to become real unsafe, Baby Girl. I’m going to go survey the damage.”

“We’ll be right behind you!” Brina laughs. YT closes us back in the closet, and Brina locks it behind her.

“You feel better?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Brina cheeses, wiping her own face with a tissue. “And don’t internalize anything Rico and Casey are doing, I mean it Wyn. Like you said before, it’s not about you. Casey’s upset because you’ve both hurt his feelings, and you’re both causing him to think about his own morals and beliefs. And Rico is using old feelings to justify why he hasn’t just apologized for lying. Peanut already has a plan in place to nip all this shit in the bud. You just need to be relaxed and have good energy for this surgery, mama.”

“Mama? You sound like him now.”

Brina rolls her eyes and takes out her phone. “Reem’s not the only one talking his girl’s ear off. If this plan Peanut has doesn’t work, I’m leaving this nigga. Cody will not grow up not knowing how to apologize and get over shit. I told Casey that I understood where you were coming from and this nigga had a Powerpoint on why that’s wrong.”

“Do you, though?”

“Yes, Wyn. I told you. I wouldn’t have said shit, either. All of this is only relevant because you guys are back together. If you hadn’t rekindled anything, there wouldn't be any reason to bring up old shit.”

“We are not back together,” I state firmly, though I still look around the closet in case he can hear me.

“Yeah,” Brina cackles, unlocking the door for us. “And I got a beach house in Montana to sell you.”

Many times I’ve sat in this high chair to do my hair. A few of those times I even shaved my head, to get the lace just right.

This feels different.

Especially with Rico standing behind me, meeting my stare in my bathroom mirror.

I’m officially fasting. My surgery is in two days, and I’m due at the hospital tonight to check in. Patience being my sister-in-law got me the best surgeon, the best room, and probably the best prognosis.

My heart doesn’t believe me.

“You’re not allowed to leave this world without me, Snow. So if you go, I go.”

“That is not helping.”

This nigga just shrugs. “I’m just telling you what it is. Your surgeon told me after I threatened his entire bloodline that the chances of any adverse complications are low, so really, it’s up to you and your spirit. I can’t give you a reason to live. But I can tell you that you’ll be my reason to die.”

“Oh, no threatening my family?” I let the sarcastic drip as I reach over and grab the clippers off the charger.