Page 178 of The Coldest: Stay Dangerous Part 2

He blinks, like he hadn’t thought of it before. “Hm. Clippers.”

I hand them to him, and settle back into the chair.

Before Rico came into the bathroom, I’d already washed, blow dried, and cut my hair as short as I could. There’s little clumps of red hair all over the bathroom floor. Brina said I only had to shave the incision site, but I would rather do the whole thing. I wear wigs anyway, so why not?

Sheisty already cleared my schedule for the rest of the year. We have more than enough songs to pick some for a full album, but I know I’ll be back in the studio as soon as I can. As soon as this tyrant lets me. But right now, everyone seems to be united against me. Red snitched and told me that Rico has been in communication with Sheisty and PC. I can’t even finagle some shit. They are firmly uniformed on the same side.

The buzz of the clippers pull me out of my head, and my hands grip the arms of the chair as Rico begins to gently shave my head.

Yeah, this is way different than any other time. Usually, I’m excited for my how bomb my wig is going to be. Now, I’m blinking back tears.

When you’re about to have brain surgery, I guess the tears don’t stop.

He makes quick work of my head. In twenty minutes, I’m skee bald.

“You have a cute head, Snow.” His lips are warm and soft on my skin.

I want to thank him, or even say something even funnier. He cut his hair in solidarity, though he laughed when I asked if he would go bald. No, just a buzz. He sets the clippers down and starts mixing the shaving cream.

“I look just like Summer,” I blurt, before more tears come.

He freezes, then sets the container of shaving cream down.

“Shave my eyebrows and I really am her clone.” My finger traces my lips, then the bridge of my nose. Even as tears follow the marks made from those before, my vision is clear. Clearer than it’s ever been. “This is why I covered every mirror in Belize, until my hair began to grow. No hair? I’m her twin, instantly. I am her.”

“I really never stood a chance,” I sob, my face crumbling in the mirror.

Strong hands wipe my tears before tilting my head up until Rico is all I see.

“You mean it?” I ask. My hands grip his forearms. “If I go, you’ll go?”

“Of course.”

I close my eyes, letting those two words settle around us. What an absurd thing to ask, but I do it anyway. And I believe him when he says he’ll oblige me.

“You’re not Summer. You’re Wynter. The Ice Princess. My Snow.”

I open my eyes and find his hooded gaze immediately.

“You can look like her, but you’re you. And if it’s your time, it’s your time. You. Wynter. But if it’s not your time, and I really don’t think it is, then you need to live for you, Snow. Not me, not Haze, not Summer, and fasho not yo parents. You and you only. Promise me… use your words.”

“I-I promise,” I stammer, since my noncommittal nod wasn’t enough. Rico comes closer, and I rest my head on his stomach as he holds me to him.

“This shit gon’ be a blip on our radar, bae. I really don’t think I’ma have to kill yo surgeon before slitting my wrists. That lil’ nigga who in love witchu posted a snippet of y’all song together and I really feel like God would keep you around if only to get that nigga his first top ten hit.”

“Something is wrong with you,” I breathe. His hand curls around the back of my neck, and he pulls me back to kiss my forehead again.

Rico

Me and Snow both have scars now. She’s sleeping with her head tilted, to give it room to breathe and heal.

Her surgery is a success. The entire tumor is gone, so there’s only a minute chance of it growing back. One less person I would have to kill. The whole hospital seems to exhale when we leave.

Now, Snow is sound asleep in her bed. She’s been lethargic and irritable. Haze is scared her personality is permanently altered, and I tell her that she’s just tired from having brain surgery, because I’m the only muthafucka around Snow with sense.

“Go on to Peanut’s. I got Snowball.” Nan straightens out Snow's comforter, her glassy eyes never leaving the granddaughter she always wanted.

I don’t want to leave her side. But I’ve been putting off my bro for weeks, and Nut hates being ignored almost as much as he hates being alone. I help settle Nan into her designated chair and hand her the book she’s been reading, before I let my feet lead me farther and farther away from my heart.