Page 48 of Bless This Hot Mess
Ronald blinked, “Okay… lay it on me because I have no idea what you’re talking about. Is this more Jesus talk?”
Japheth sat up, pointing at the clouds with renewed energy, “Kind of! Pareidolia is a gift for seeing things in everyday objects. I don’t just seethings. I see the big guy–Jesus!”
Ronald chuckled, “You see dead people?”
“In clouds, for instance!” Japheth was fully animated now, practically bouncing in his chair. “I’ll just come out here on my front lawn every day around 3:03 to get ready.”
Ronald gave him a sidelong glance, “That’s… precise.”
Japheth nodded earnestly, “He’s a busy God! I’m not gonna keep Him waiting. So, I’m out here everyday at 3:03 p.m. unless I have an early shift at Saddles ‘n’ Spurs. This isn’t like a weather thing. Rain or shine, blue skies, overcast, I’ll see Him. He arrives around 3:15, 3:16, and then He’s generally gone again by 3:17. I think He’s really trying to tell me something.”
Japheth placed his hands on his knees and leaned even further toward Ronald conspiratorially, “My favourite Bible verse is John 3:16.For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
Ronald raised his root beer in mock salute, “And you’re sure it’s not just indigestion from lunch?”
Japheth didn’t miss a beat, “I’ve been seeing Him every day since I was thirteen. Sometimes it looks not so much like the face of Jesus in the clouds as… well, a helicopter, a garbage truck, an eggplant, or Gonzo the Muppet but you know, those last two areverysimilar. He takes on different cloud incarnations.”
“Have you ever taken a picture?” Ronald asked sitting up in his lawn chair keen to see one of these eggplants or Gonzo pics though Jesus would be cool, too, especially if it got Japheth so jazzed, there must be something to it. He wondered what a picture of a ghost would look like.
“A picture?” Japheth hesitated for a second, looking a little sheepish. “Well, there was this one time…” He suddenly squinted at the sky, “Hold on Ronald. He’s coming into focus now.”
Ronald leaned forward, scanning the sky, “What? Where?”
Japheth pointed fervently, “There He is! Do you see it? Right there! No, just to the right. Yeah! Jesus Christ! Hello Lord!”
Ronald squinted hard, “Thatcloud?”
A gust of wind suddenly swept through the yard, rustlingthe trees, the branches swaying with a sudden surge of movement.
Japheth jumped to his feet, knocking his root beer over, “He’s on the move! Ronald, smash that root beer and let’s go. I’ve never seen Him move this fast. Come on! Take it with you, we have to gonow!”
Ronald, thoroughly bemused, grabbed his drink, “Uh, okay, right behind ya!”
As the wind whipped around them, Japheth sprinted across the lawn with surprising speed. The sound of trees rustling trilled in the air as they both rushed after the rapidly moving cloud. A child’s abandoned kite, ripped across the empennage, fluttered in frustration against the branches of an oak tree where it had lodged itself in a catastrophic and harrowing final flight.
“This is fantastic!” Japheth shouted over the wind and over his shoulder at Ronald, “Maybe you’re gifted with pareidolia, too.”
Ronald, still trying to see what Japheth was so excited about, muttered, “I’m not quite sure what I’m looking at… is that big billowy part his…”
“Yes!” Japheth exclaimed, “His beard! Youdosee it!”
The tempest tired, the clouds calmed. Ronald hesitated, then nodded, “Feels like the wind is dying down… is He… is He pointing?”
Japheth’s eyes widened in reverence, “Ronald, where two or three are gathered in His name, there He is! In our midst. I think our combined pareidolia gifts have really made this vision strong today.”
Ronald paused, eyeing his root beer suspiciously, “Was there anything in this root beer?”
Japheth shook his head, “What? No! This is being high on Jesus! Heispointing, isn’t He… at that billboard?”
Ronald followed Japheth’s gaze, and sure enough, the cloud formation seemed to align with a billboard off in the distance. “Yeah, He’s pointing right at it.”
Japheth’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning, “This is fantastic! I’m really blessed that Jesus visits me every day. I mean, most people never experience God. But I see Himeveryday. And on schedule. And now you do, too!”
Ronald nodded slowly, glancing at the billboard, “Is this a sign…?”
Japheth practically shouted, “Yes! Weinus, Weinus, & Ware, Esquire. Jesus pointed us right at a lawyer’s billboard!”
Ronald looked at the towering sign, its peeling poster dog eared but still doggedly advertising the legal firm with a photo that may be more at home on the cover of a romance novel. “Well, I guess if Jesus is gonna pick us a lawyer, I won’t argue that He has good taste.”
