Page 61 of Shut Up and Drive

I shifted my focus to our families splashing and playingin the water. No one was paying any attention to us, but I grabbed his arm and led him off into the trees anyway.

“Listen,” I started, “I don’t know how to navigate this. You’re… you. But now, you’re also… I don’t know, YOU. Ugh! Stop looking at me like that! I can’t think straight when you’re all smiley and adorable,” I groaned.

“I’m still me, Pidge,” he said with a laugh, like I was being ridiculous.

The anger he always stirred within me simmered. “Well, that kiss may not have fazed you that much, but it meant something to me.”

“Oh, it definitely fazed me.”

“Yeah, right,” I said, turning to leave. “You seem so distracted and preoccupied by your amazing night’s sleep and your relaxing morning.”

He grabbed my wrist, spun me around, and pressed my hand to his bare chest. His warmth permeated my skin and my shoulders involuntarily relaxed. A drum line pounded below my fingertips in a wild rhythm, and as if on cue, mine joined in.

“I can’t stop it. I think I might explode,” he said softly, then laughed. “But what a way to go.”

My breath hitched.

I made Thane Donnelly’s heart pound.

All responses I had fell away like the water droplets cascading down his torso.

“I don’t know what to say,” I whispered.

“Maybe we don’t need to say anything at all,” he whispered back. “And I didn’t get a good night’s sleep. I fought with everything I had not to grab your hand and sneak off into the woods so we could make out under the stars.”

My lips parted in surprise and his eyes dropped to them. I tipped my face upward and slowly closed my eyes, ready for him to kiss me again. He leaned in, so close that the water from his hair fell on my cheeks and ran down like happy tears. I held my breath in anticipation, tortured by how long it took him to close the gap between us. I wasn’t sure if it was impatience or curiosity that won out first, but I cracked open one eye to make sure he hadn’t played a horrible joke on me.

What I saw was his eyes, crinkled at the edges from smiling, and a look of adoration so deep that it made me squirm.

“What?” I asked quietly, opening the other eye. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hoped for this exact moment, and here I am, lucky enough to live it. I just wanted to soak it all in.”

He cupped my face, his thumbs stroking my cheeks, and I swore all the bones in my body dissolved, turning me into a puddle of goop in his hands.

“Well, are you going to finish what you started, or will you leave me wanting more?” I asked, all breathy and surrendered.

“Hopefully both,” he replied as his mouth collided with mine.

I floated above my body as our lips explored, his hands dusting across my face like a feather in the wind. I molded into his warm skin, losing myself in the moment that I, too, had hoped for, for years. Our need for each other ebbed and flowed, knowing every second we stole away was on borrowed time.

Eventually our family would get suspicious of our purposeful proximity and lingering glances. But for thatmoment—in that kiss—we had each other, and that was enough. When Bash’s voice yelling for Thane broke through the haze, we crashed back to earth, hearts pounding, lungs out of breath.

I pulled away, worried we had been spotted. That’s when Thane tossed me over his shoulder and said, “Play along,” as he bolted toward the water.

I screamed and kicked in faux protest as he ran, failing to disguise my giggles.

“I found her! She was trying to be antisocial with her books again!” he yelled, and launched us both off the edge of the dock and into the lake.

We laughed and splashed on the outside, but inside, my heart was transforming right there in my chest while I pretended everything was normal. And he knew. Because when Thane’s eyes met mine, I could see that his heart was changing too.

That night at the bonfire, Bash disappeared with Jamie and left me to “make some friends.” It was funny how a brother I grew up with my whole life had no idea that my idea of a good time was a book and a cozy place to curl up. I liked the bonfires, don’t get me wrong. But the enjoyment came from staring into the fire, and getting lost in my own thoughts as the sparks cracked and floated above me. I would have rather been a spectator to the socializing than a participant of it.

I looked around for a familiar face, gripping my red plastic cup full of Pepsi, and decided to retreat into a corner of the beach where the log stumps sat empty. There, I could hang for a bit, and slip out when I wanted to without being noticed.

Thane wandered up and sat near the fire with his guitar,singing some Ed Sheeran song while all the girls swooned around him. I watched him in his element, so relaxed and natural, his mouth curving happily around the lyrics. He was beautiful—and not just because of his face. It was the most authentic version of him that the public got to see, and it took my breath away. Watching him from afar was the perfect viewpoint for me, until a girl named Isabel slithered up beside him and put her hand on his knee. She smiled and harmonized along with him. The ugly, green, envy-monster inside me wanted to launch itself over the fire and knock her off her stump into the dirt. The rest of my vivid imagination played out a WWE-style smackdown, complete with a chair breaking over her back. Not my proudest moment, for sure, so I decided to take my exit before I made good on my daydream.

I stood from my log, tossed my empty cup into the fire, and stepped away from the firelight. But not before Thane’s eyes captured mine: dark, dilated—reflecting the fire between us. The party sounds faded and my pounding heart beat at full volume in my ears. Every synapse in my brain fired off simultaneously, making me want nothing more than to touch his skin and breathe his air. The control I usually had over my emotions burned to ash like the logs in the fire. So I forced a smile to hide how I ached and turned to leave.