Page 88 of Darkness Defined

Alex shrugged. “I don’t know. Every myth has its roots in the truth somewhere. Maybe there was a time we did.” He picked up the controller, and we resumed playing. He continued to glance at the neglected bottle throughout the game. Maybe grabbing it wasn’t such a bad idea after all, he could clearly see that I wasn’t drinking it.

I watched him, waiting for some comment or opening. There was only one thing I could think of to do to show him I didn’t just want to kiss him with alcohol eliminating my inhibitions. Except I was so nervous, I could’ve really used that drink. Even nervous, though, the desire to kiss him was overwhelming. As much as I’d fought it before, there was absolutely no denying that it was exactly what I wanted.

I need to quit being such a chicken and just go for it.

“Alex.” I shifted to face him.

“What’s up?” he asked, turning to me.

I caught him in a kiss before he could say anything else. There was a moment when I thought he wouldn’t kiss me back. Then there it was. I cupped the side of his face and kissed him deeper. He needed to know this was intentional, not some half-assed accident. At the feel of my hand, he relaxed into it a little more. I fought to hold myself back from completely drowning in the sensation. This needed to be as different as possible from all the other times.

The sound of something suffering on the screen invaded my concentration. I pulled away and leaned back against the couch. Alex sat there a moment looking a bit dumbfounded. I could have giggled with delight. I’d done it. I’d actually done it. And not a drop of alcohol. “You’re dying,” I said absently as I tried to regain control of my own character.

He turned blankly back to the game and rescued his demon before he could be fully minced.

I felt incredible. Kissing Alex sober was a thousand times better than I would have expected. It hadn’t been nearly enough, but it was a start. I was probably grinning like a fool, and I couldn’t have cared less. I’d done it. Suddenly, Alex’s character abandoned the current mission and raced towards the next glimmering check point.

I frowned. “What are you doing?”

“Damn it, Matt.” He vehemently threw down the controller.

Alarm shot through me. Somehow, I’d still made things worse. I set aside my controller and immediately started trying to apologize. “Alex, please don’t be mad. I—”

He cut me off with a kiss I felt all the way in my toes. I gave in completely, melting into the soft press of his lips, his tongue confidently twirling with mine, the warmth of his hand on my cheek.

Kissing Alex sober really was like falling into a world of color I’d never even known existed. It was a drug, and I was absolutely addicted. My body reacted on its own, leaning into him, craving more, always more. His fingers slid through my hair as he pulled me closer. I moaned. This was everything I’d been dreaming about for weeks. Even more than his forgiveness, I’d wanted this, wanted it to the point it physically hurt. And now, I felt like I was spiraling out of control in a world of sensation.

I slipped and braced myself against the ground. Alex’s free hand drifted down my side until it found bare skin where my shirt had ridden up. I hadn’t been expecting that and broke off with a muffled gasp.

“What? What’s the matter?”

What is wrong with me?

He looked me over frantically, concern clouding his face. “Are you still hurt? I would have thought by now…”

“It’s not that.” My heart hammered so hard I thought it might burst right out of my chest like one of the minions in the game.

His emerald gaze caught mine and I could clearly see my panic shining back. Fear flashed in his eyes to quickly be replaced by anger and then, worst of all, hurt. “Oh.” He sat back, putting distance between us.

I could have screamed with frustration, but I couldn’t seem to force my tongue to make words.

“Of course.” He barked a laugh that sounded forced and bitter.

No, no, no.

He pushed himself to his feet, shaking his head. I leaned forward, but he refused to look at me. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” He raked both of his hands through his hair while his gaze stayed firmly focused on the ground. “I can’t do this.” Without another word or even a glance in my general direction, he grabbed his key and left.

I stared at the door long after it had closed behind him. What did I do? Why did I freak out? It wasn’t like I didn’t want him to touch me, so why did I react like I didn’t?

I snatched the bottle from the table with the full intent of chugging it. Instead, it flew across the room to smash against the wall by the door, sending glass and beer flying everywhere. I hung my head in my hands and let out a miserable groan. I’d ruined everything. Alex would never forgive me now.

Chapter 26

Black Eyes

A

Iwanderedaroundthedorm, not really sure where to go. My shoes were still in my room, so it wasn’t like I could go far. Classes would start back up again soon, and already I could see the campus milling with activity beyond the dorm windows. I wished I could’ve taken the opportunity to go home, at least for a couple of days. My mom was right, the distance would have been good for me. Maybe if I’d taken on a few more tutoring sessions, I’d have been able to save enough. But should-of’s and could-of’s wouldn’t help me now.