Page 87 of The One You Want

Chapter 21

The next few days passed in a blur. My body seemed to be alternating between total numbness and all encompassing pain. I couldn’t decide which was worse. All I knew was that heartbreak had never felt like this for me before. It had never been so total. Even what I’d felt that day after discovering Dr. Miller and Robin at the clinic hadn’t been like this. Then I’d been hurt, sure, but mostly just embarrassed. And disappointed inmyself.

Now I was feeling all of those things—embarrassment that I had been so stupid as to think what I had with Grant was real, disappointment in myself for not learning my lesson, hurt that I’d been rejected. But it was so much more than that, too. Realizing that I loved someone, for the first time in my life, and it hadn’t meant a thing—that’s what I was having such a hard timeaccepting.

But I didn’t cry. That might have been the most surprising part of all. I was usually an emotional person but now that my heart was completely breaking, I couldn’t muster a singletear.

Riley called me a few times to see if I wanted to grab lunch but I let the calls go to voicemail and sent her vague excuses by text later. I couldn’t fathom seeing anyone, even my best friend. It felt a lot safer to stay in my condo, alone, even if the place no longer brought the peace it used to. Funny how it had always seemed like such an escape for me, with its soothing decor and calm silence. Now I craved bright color and cozy stone fireplaces. Cuddling in bed in the strong arms of a man who’s pillow talk consisted of hour-long lectures on the differences between a ranunculus and apeony.

But I would never have those things again. And I needed to get used tothat.

I ignored the calls from Iris, too, offering to set me up on that lunch with her mom to talk strategy for making it as an artist. And when Margaret called with a suggestion of some cousin or other that I could contact about web design, I didn’t call herback.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to mope like this forever, but it was hard to see the point in getting to work on the business now. I had let myself believe, for a few exciting moments, that I could actually do this, be successful at it. But what if all of that had been in my head,too?

On the third day, my phone rang with a number I never thought I’d see again—the animal shelter. My curiosity was actually strong enough to break through my haze of apathy and I found myself saying hello into thephone.

“Jenny? This is Cal,” Dr. Miller’s smooth, warm voice said. I tried to remember what it was about that voice that had inspired my infatuation, but I just couldn’t hear itanymore.

“Hi, Dr. Miller,” I said cautiously, and hechuckled.

“How many times have I told you to call meCal?”

What was the point of that? We weren’t friends. We weren’t anything, really. And I was completely fine withthat.

“What can I do for you, Cal?” I asked, vaguely wondering if he could hear the exhaustion in myvoice.

“Jerry Brooks came in yesterday,” he said. “Wondering if you’d had a chance to talk to me about those cats you’ve beenfostering.”

The cats. I had totally forgotten about the conversation I’d had withJerry.

“I took a look at their files,” he went on. “It looks like they all still have their claws.” Yeah, a look at my furniture and draperies could have told him that. “The femalecat—”

“Lady,” I cut in, even though I didn’t see why itmattered.

“Lady,” he agreed, chuckling. “She actually came in from a farm. The old Freemanplace.”

“Oh.” Mr. Freeman had passed last year, his farm sold off by out of staterelatives.

“So she would probably be a great candidate to be Jerry’s mouser,” Dr. Miller continued. “In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was thrilled to be back in abarn.”

It took a moment for his words to register. He was saying I could give Lady away to Jerry. That she would probably even be happierthere.

The strangest lump lodged itself in my throat and it took a minute for me to be able toanswer.

“Jenny? Are you stillthere?”

“Yeah,” I managed, then cleared my throat. “What about the other two? I think…I think the three of them are bonded. I don’t know if they should be splitup.”

“Hmm,” he said, and I could just picture him in his office, rubbing his stubble thoughtfully. “I can’t say for sure the other two would take to a more feral life, but it’s possible. Like I said, they have their claws still, so they’ll be fairly safe atleast.”

I pictured the three cats living out in a barn, on someone’s farm, where they might have to use their claws in self-defense against unknown predators. It would be a far cry from the comfort of their ownbedroom.

On the other hand, they certainly didn’t seem to be happy with me. They clearly couldn’t stand me, unless I was giving them their food. I thought about how sad Jerry had been when he talked about his old cat. That was a man who valued and loved animals—way more than I everhad.

“Maybe we could try it,” I said, and I couldn’t figure out why the words caused such an ache in my gut. “See how they do overthere.”

“I think that’s a fine plan,” Dr. Miller said. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you keeping them all this time, Jenny. Three cats was a lot to ask ofyou.”