Page 86 of The One You Want

He saw someone that didn’t have to work, a girl who was so spoiled that she could spend her days tinkering around with beads. How many times had I told him how shy and awkward I was? All those times he had chuckled and grinned at my antics, I assumed he was laughing with me. As a friend. But maybe he’d just been laughing at me allalong.

He was ready to start dating, and he obviously didn’t see me as real datingmaterial.

“I think I’ll go,” I whispered, unable to stand another second of him looking at me like that. With pity in his eyes. “Thanks, um, for all yourhelp.”

“Jenny.” He wrapped a hand around my wrist and I had to close my eyes at the contact. All the times I’d thought I’d felt something in his touch and for him it had just beennothing.

I forced myself to look up into his eyes, praying I would see something more there. But how could I even trust myself to know what I was seeing? I had made assumptions about Grant, just like I did about Dr. Miller. I hadn’t learned a damn thing since the beginning of thesummer.

“Are you okay?” he asked, voice soft with concern—and maybe regret? But no, I had to stop thinking likethat.

I somehow managed to paste a smile on my face. I was sure it looked deranged, but a small part of me was still proud that I’d made theeffort.

“I’m fine,” I said, pulling my hand away. For a second it felt like he wasn’t going to let me go, but he did. Of course he did. I was just the girl he felt kind of sorry for,right?

“I’ll see you around.” I had to hold my hands out in front of my body to make my way towards the door—I didn’t trust myself not to go barreling into something, just like I had that day I’d walked in on Dr. Miller and Robin. Huh, maybe I’d learnedsomethingfrom that day afterall.

My vision felt tunneled, fog creeping up around the edges, and it was hard to breathe. Is this what a panic attack felt like? I somehow made it to the door without embarrassing myself but when I got there, I caught sight of the bag of sandwiches I’d dropped on thecounter.

I swallowed, imagining a box of cookies I’d brought to another guy, another day I’d been sure I was capable of changing mylife.

“I brought you some lunch,” I managed to whisper, then fled from hisworkroom.

I should have known better that day and I should have known better now. Maybe people couldn’t change after all. Or maybe that was justme.