Page 146 of Good For Me

“—but I can be patient,” he presses ahead. “You’re worth it.” He swallows, and when he speaks again his voice falters for the first time. “I know you still have doubts about being a mom—”

“River.”

“—and I’m not going to judge you for that. It’s okay to be scared. We can work through all of that. We can try therapy or find some, I don’t know, like a parenting specialist or something. That has to be a thing, right? We can take baby classes. Whatever you need to do to feel confident.”

“Listen—”

But there’s no stopping him. He seems desperate to convince me, like he’s afraid if he stops talking for even a moment I’m going to say something he doesn’t want to hear.

“I just need you to not give up, okay? You might not have confidence in yourself yet, but I do, Jas. I know you’re going to be great. I know our kid is going to be so lucky and—”

“River, stop.”

He finally does, breathing hard, and I can see worry in his eyes. But I only smile. “I can see it now.”

He blinks a few times, confused. “What?”

“You told me that was my problem. Weeks ago. You said the reason I was still freaking out was because I couldn’t see it yet. I couldn’t seeusyet. You were right.” I straighten, certainty bleeding into my words. “But I can see it now.”

His eyes are wide and he seems to be holding his breath. “What can you see?”

I close my eyes for a moment, letting the image clarify in my mind. “We’re at the beach. Splashing in the water, just like we did in San Diego. But it’s not just me and you.” I open my eyes, blinking away the moisture that’s gathering there. “He looks just like you. Blond and blue-eyed and laughing. Happy. A happy, healthy little boy because his mom and dad keep him safe and he never ever doubts how much they love him.”

A tear escapes River’s eye, matching the ones I can’t stop falling from mine.

“He squeals when you blow raspberries on his belly and laughs when he sees us kissing. When he gets older, he’ll groan and complain when you kiss me, but secretly it will make him happy. Because he’ll always be able to see how much his parents love each other.”

River gives a shaky laugh. “You saying you’re going to love me in this future of ours, Jasmine?”

I shake my head. “I’m saying I already do.”

He slides out of the booth and comes around to my side, his arms around me in an instant. I bury my head against him, right in the little dip of his shoulder where I fit so perfectly.

“I love you so much,” I tell him, and his arms squeeze me tighter. I feel his chest shaking a little, like he’s trying to keep from crying, and his lips are pressing into my hair, kissing my head over and over.

“I love you, too,” he says in a thick voice. “God, I love you, Jas.”

I pull back and look up at him. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“It’s okay.” He gives a shaky laugh. “I’m sure there are going to be days where we both freak out. Let’s just promise that we freak out together, okay?”

“No walking away,” I agree.

“No walking away.”

Our sappy reunion is interrupted by the appearance of our waitress. I haven’t thought about food in hours but now that I smell the hamburgers, I’m suddenly ravenous. And apparently my aversion to hamburgers has passed because my stomach rumbles loudly. River laughs, thanking the waitress and pulling our plates toward us. He doesn’t leave my side of the booth, though, and he eats one-handed so he can keep his other hand on my leg.

“How did you know I would be here?”

He laughs. “I’d like to say I had some soul-mate, epic love story feeling about where you’d be, but the truth is, my grandma texted me the moment you walked in. She could tell you were upset.”

“I came looking for you. You always say it’s where you go when you need to be cheered up.” I look around the quiet dining room. “Huh. I didn’t see Ruby, though.” I chew my burger for a moment, thinking that it’s kind of funny that she’s not the one that came over to see me, instead of Mr. Ransome. But maybe they sensed, somehow, that what I really needed was to talk to a grandfather.

“Where did you go?” I ask, feeling a residual ache in my stomach when I think about those terrible minutes after he left. “I called Rose and she said you weren’t there.”

He nods, looking just as pained. “I decided I couldn’t handle seeing her and Leo being all happy and in love. So I went to my grandparent’s. Didn’t know they were here.”

“You went to pour your heart out to your grandpa but I had already jumped in front of you in line.”