Page 145 of Good For Me

I think about this man’s family—his kids and their wives, his grandkids. New additions like Eva and Leo. River’s baby. And me, if I’m very lucky. A place to belong, for the first time since I lost my grandfather.

“If one of your kids hadn’t wanted to be in the band, would you be disappointed?” I blurt out.

He looks thoughtful. “I’d like to say no, but I’m sure that would have been hard. Mainly because it was something we all did together. It would have been hard for one of them to not be involved, you know?”

I nod, biting my lip. I guess the situations aren’t really similar. But…

“What if, like, Daltrey and Daisy had gotten pregnant with Rose earlier. Like, before the band made it.” This is such a personal question, I almost can’t believe I asked it.

Understanding crosses his face. “You think your grandfather would be disappointed that you’re having a baby?”

I look away. “He wanted me to finish school so badly.”

“And you did that. Don’t you graduate next week?”

“We talked about me doing grad school, too. Getting an MBA.” I close my eyes. “I know he would have been proud of that.”

“He would be proud either way, Jasmine. I promise you that.”

“How do you know?”

He shrugs. “Because I have grandkids. And the only thing I want for any of them is to be happy and safe.”

Happy and safe. Not successful. Not accomplishing some arbitrary set of goals. Just happy and safe.

When in my life have I ever felt happier or safer than I do when I’m with River?

Mr. Ransome smiles at something over my shoulder.

“And speaking of my grandkids, I believe your date is here.”

I twist in my seat and see River standing there. He looks about as shitty as I feel but when our gazes lock, there’s relief in his eyes.

Mr. Ransome stands, giving me a nod, then walks over to his grandson, clapping River on the shoulder. “I asked the kitchen to send out a couple burgers. You can have mine.”

They share a look that makes my chest feel tight, the missing of my own grandfather stronger than ever. But for the first time since he died, that pain doesn’t feel like something I have to hide from. It doesn’t feel like something that can destroy me. It’s enough to just sit here and let it wash over me, knowing that I’m going to be okay when it passes.

River slides into the seat across from me, his eyes scanning my face. He looks so worried, so concerned for me, even after I said all those terrible things. I take a breath, wondering how to even begin to apologize, but he speaks before I can try.

“I’m not walking away.”

I meet his eyes across the table. There’s something different in their blue depths. I’ve seen River look intense, I’ve seen him look passionate. But I don’t know that I’ve ever seen him look so determined. So…set. Like he doesn’t have the slightest doubt over what he should do.

“I should never have left the house earlier,” he goes on.

“That wasn’t your fault. I asked you for space.”

He shakes his head, eyes blazing. “I gave you the impression I was willing to walk away when things got hard.”

“River, no. That’s not what I thought.” I’d been too busy spiraling in guilt and anxiety to judge him in the slightest.

He leans across the table, taking my hands in his. “Listen to me, okay?” I nod. “I’ve been doing that shit my whole life—walking away when things get too hard. I’ve never committed to a single thing,” He waves his hands dismissively, like he knows what I’m about to argue. “I’m committed to my family, sure, but that never took any work. And when it did feel hard—like when my dad would try to talk to me about my plans—I would do the same damn thing. Walk away.” His blue eyes flare. “I’m not walking away from you. I’m not walking away from the baby. Not now. Not ever.”

I nod, relief coursing through me. Maybe there was a part of me that was still doubting that, just a little.

“I’m in love with you, Jas,” he says, voice completely calm, even, like those words aren’t monumental. “I think I have been since the very start. And I get that you might not be in the same place yet—”

“River.”