Page 97 of Rescue

“She’s my best friend.” His voice is rough. “She’s been my best friend since I was fifteen years old. I would do anything for that girl.” He swallows. “But I can’t ever do enough. I can’t ever make it okay for her.”

“She needs help, James. If things are this bad for her, that’s not something that just goes away.”

“She refuses to talk about it with a doctor. She barely talks about it with us.”

“Then you have to keep trying.” I close my eyes, an image of my dad sitting with me the time I overdosed. Always there, no matter how often I tried to push him away. “I’ve been where she is, James. It might take a while for her to admit it, but if she needs help, you have to keep offering.”

He watches me out of the corner of his eye, probably wondering if I’m going to elaborate. Finally he nods. “You’re right. Well… I guess I should get back there.”

“Okay. Look, I’m gonna go.”

“I’m sorry, man. She’s just embarrassed.”

“I get it.” And I do. I know exactly how she must feel. But for the first time, I’m starting to have an idea of how my dad felt too. How Levi felt, knowing this about me for all those years, never able to tell anyone. How my brothers felt, getting the news dropped on them in August the way they did. For the first time, I understand what it feels like to be the person in the waiting room.

“I’m glad she trusts you enough to let you in the room, James. Just tell her I was here and she can call me anytime, okay?”

“I will.” He stands with me, shaking my hand.

It’s hard to walk away from her. Everything in me is telling me to run down to her room, not to take no for an answer. When you love someone, you’re supposed to fight for them, right? And I do love her. As improbable as it might seem, that I could fall in love with someone in the middle of this mess in my head, I know it’s the truth. In some ways, Haylee is everything I’m not. Boisterous and confident, always ready for the next adventure. She stands at the front of the stage, all eyes on her as she sings, while I’m content to hide behind my bass. Behind my brothers.

But in other ways—the ways that matter—we’re more alike than I could ever have imagined. She doesn’t even have to say a word for me to know that she understands me, that she can somehow read what I’m thinking or feeling in my eyes. She’s the only person in the world who I’ve ever been able to justbewith, without the noise or distractions. She gets me. And I get her.

So I know better than anyone what she must feel like right now. Embarrassed. Scared. Ashamed. I can’t force her to see me. All I can do is be there when she’s ready to talk.

And speaking of talking… I catch a glimpse of the clock on the wall as I board the elevator. Five thirty. My brothers will be up, getting ready for the morning show that we’re supposed to leave for in twenty minutes. I have a feeling we’re going to miss that show.

I go to my dad’s room first, wanting to give him as much time as possible to cancel the appearance. The label isn’t going to be happy about this. I find I don’t care.

But my dad isn’t alone. My brothers and Levi are in his suite. And every one of them jumps up when I enter. “Where in the hell were you?” Reed yells.

“I’m sorry,” I say quickly, pulling the door shut behind me so we don’t wake up half the hallway. I have a feeling that won’t be the last time one of us raises his voice in this conversation.

“We’ve been calling you,” Daltrey says, his voice shaking.

“I forgot my phone—”

“That’s just great, Lennon,” Reed snaps. “You go running off in the middle of the night and you don’t tell anyone about it or bring your phone. That’s fantastic.”

“Stop yelling at him,” Cash says. “Can’t you tell he’s upset?”

“I’mupset, Cash!” Reed yells. “I’ve been fucking out of my mind here!”

“I’m only twenty minutes late,” I say.

“We’ve been looking for you for hours!” Daltrey cries.

“Why?”

“Because Levi was worried so he called you.”

I turn to look at my friend. He’s staring at the floor, refusing to meet my eyes. He looks exhausted. “When you didn’t answer, I went to your room, but you didn’t come to the door. So I called Will to get the front desk to open the room.” He finally looks up at me. His eyes are blank, like he’s numb, beyond even worrying at this point. “You weren’t there. So we went to Haylee’s room, and you weren’t there either.”

“I’m sorry. I had no idea you would come looking for me.”

“Where were you?” His voice is so small. Like he’s terrified of how I might respond.

I sink into one of the empty chairs by the dining table. “Dad, you need to cancel our appearance.”