Page 23 of Tethered

I suck in a sharp breath, ready to rip Shepard’s face off.

But Riggs’s words freeze me where I stand. “You think I’m actually asleep? Some cop you are.” Riggs laughs.

“What?”

“It makes her feel more confident and in control, and who am I to argue with that? The first time, I was genuinely asleep. When I woke up, I could smell her on me. It didn’t take much to figure out what happened. I waited to see if she would say anything, and when she didn’t, I faked being asleep to see what would happen.”

“You tricked her?”

“I told her to lock me out, and I never pushed harder than she was willing. If she had even attempted to fight me off, I’d have backed off. But she wanted me.”

“That doesn’t make it any less fucked-up.”

“Doesn’t make it any more fucked-up than you watching me make her cum either. Or fucking her mouth while you both thought I was sleeping. Don’t bother trying to take the moral high ground now, motherfucker.”

A whimper slips free. As hurt as I am that he lied, he’s also correct. We both fucked up, but I can’t play the victim here. Not when I was complicit. I just don’t know how to process it all. I’ve never questioned Riggs’s intentions before. He’s always been my cornerstone, and now I’m not sure where I stand.

I don’t know if they heard me or if Shepard spots me, frozen in shock, but his eyes widen when they land on mine, making Riggs whirl around to look at me.

“Opie.” He moves toward me, but I back up, feeling unsure of him, of me, of everything.

Instead of trying to figure it out, I turn and run, but Riggs is fast. He’s on me before I make it to the bottom of the stairs, his arms banding around me. “Please don’t run away from me. Hit me, scream at me, but don’t leave me.” His voice is thick with emotion, unlocking something inside me as all my insecurities rush to clash with his.

“What do I even say? I have no right to be angry, not after what I did.”

“You get to feel whatever you want. I fucked up, I know I did. But once I started, I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to risk you changing your mind about me. I’m so fucking scared of losing you that I went right ahead and did something that might just push you away anyway.” He buries his face in my hair, and we stand there for a minute, him holding on so tightly that it almost hurts as I try to figure out how I feel. When I slump in his hold,he eases his grip on me, allowing me to turn so I can look up at him. I don’t hide my tears of confusion, and he doesn’t hide how much seeing them hurts him.

“Oh, baby, I’m so fucking sorry. Please forgive me.”

I press my head to his collarbone and cry into his shirt, my anger and embarrassment slowly fading away. His hand smooths up and down my back as he whispers a mantra of apologies into my ear. The thing is, I believe him. Even though he lied, I don’t feel any malicious intent from him. I’m pretty sure what I did was ten times worse.

I pull back and look up at him. “I’m sorry too. This is more my fault than yours. I let things go too far and then…”

“And then you were in too deep to stop. I get it.”

“I don’t like that you lied to me.”

“I won’t do it again.” Simple as that.

“I’m sorry I slept with Shepard. I never planned on that. He said something and…I reacted. It was childish and really fucking unfair to you.”

“I know how you feel about him, Opie,” he says softly.

“I don’t want to feel anything. He’ll never feel about me the way I feel for him, so what’s the fucking point? I’ve always been the girl who loved from the sidelines. I loved my mom, but she didn’t love me enough to stay. I loved my dad, but he only loved himself. I saw what it should look like in others and figured that the problem must be me. I mean, if everyone hates me, there had to be something about me that made it true, right?”

“No. I don’t know what happened here, or what the fuck is wrong with these people. But you’re the best person I know, and I’ve been to a lot of places and met a lot of people. Jealousy can turn even the purest heart green with envy.”

“I don’t think anyone was ever jealous of me.”

“You’re wrong.”

I tense because it isn’t Riggs who says that, but Shepard, who has followed us in. He stands a few feet away, the crate on the floor next to him as he holds his hat in his hand, running his fingers over the wide brim. He watches the pair of us with a yearning that almost takes my breath away.

“I know you’re wrong because I’m jealous as fuck.”

I startle at his words, looking up at Riggs, wondering if he heard the same or if I’m hallucinating. Riggs looks at Shepard, waiting for him to continue.

“You have no idea how compelling you are. How strong, how tenacious. You were right when you called me a coward. I was. I didn’t stay and fight for you, not because you didn’t mean enough, but because you mean too much, and it scares me out of my damn mind. I lost everything, Poppy, and I barely survived. What I feel for you in the short time I’ve known you has told me one thing.”