Page 49 of The Secret Bookshop in Ireland

Ronan smiled. ‘That was my fault for not explaining who she was. I don’t have a girlfriend as such,’ he added.

‘Well, I thought you did,’ Ciara said, cheered by his comment. ‘So I was a little taken aback when I saw her. She’s not what I expected, though. She seems so nice and friendly.’

‘She likes you,’ Ronan said. ‘Because she doesn’t think you’re a threat. But if she knew how I feel about you, she might not be as happy.’

Ciara met Ronan’s gaze. ‘Howdoyou feel about me?’ she asked, even though she saw the answer in his eyes.

He took her hand. ‘I’m not good at expressing my feelings,’ he said shyly. ‘I find you very attractive, but that’s not why I like you so much. You’re strong and feisty and fun and a true friend. I feel that we could be much closer if only I was free to…’ He stopped and let go of her hand. ‘I’m sorry. It’s not fair to you to talk like this.’

‘Why not?’ Ciara asked, even though she knew what he meant. His words, combined with the look in his eyes, made her heart beat faster and she suddenly felt breathless. ‘Whatever about your situation,’ she said when she had recovered her composure, ‘I’m glad you told me. And I have similar feelings for you, just so you know,’ she added, her face hot. ‘It’s so unfair that we can’t… I mean, that you don’t have the life you deserve. Surely you’ve paid for your mistake by now.’

‘I will never stop feeling guilty,’ Ronan said quietly. ‘Mum has never blamed me. Not ever. But I can’t get over that I ruined her life. She has told me off many times for feeling that way, but I can’t help it.’

‘But in that case,’ Ciara started, ‘wouldn’t she want you to be happy?’ She met Ronan’s gaze while it dawned on her that she had been wrong all along. Elaine was not in any way forcing her son to be tied to her bedside and to look after her. It was Ronan’s own feelings of guilt that had made him look after his mother.

‘Maybe,’ Ronan said after a moment’s silence. ‘But do I deserve it after what I did to her?’

Ciara squeezed his hand. ‘I think you do. Haven’t you paid your debt to her by now? Haven’t you given up many years of your life to look after her? Surely you can forgive yourself now? And if I were in her shoes, I would forgive you too. I can see how much she loves you, but I also got the impression that she’s a lovely, kind woman who wants you to have a future.’

‘Do you really think so?’ Ronan asked, moving closer to Ciara.

‘I do,’ Ciara said, looking deep into his hazel eyes. She saw a glimmer of hope there, which gave her the courage to be more assertive. ‘I also think you’ve been beating yourself up for years and made yourself miserable. Why don’t you talk to her? Ask her what she wants you to do and how she would like to solve the problem. Or are you not brave enough to do that?’

Ronan pulled back and stared at Ciara. ‘You’re right. That’s what I should do. And I will. I never saw it in that way at all. I just looked at it from my own point of view, feeling sorry for myself. Thank you, Ciara.’

‘You’re welcome. I’m glad I’ve made you see things differently.’

‘You have,’ Ronan said. ‘Anyway, we should go and meet her and your mother at the fountain, or they’ll wonder where we got to.’

‘And then we must get back to Cherrywood,’ Ciara said, getting up. ‘We have so much to do.’

‘Of course,’ Ronan said as he rose from his seat. ‘Come on, then. I have to take over from Maureen, who has been so kind to look after Elaine today.’

‘She wanted to give us a chance to be alone,’ Ciara said as she followed Ronan through the door into the main restaurant. ‘She thinks you’re great son-in-law material.’

It was Ronan’s turn to blush. ‘Well, she must have thought it very unlikely all the same.’ He turned to Ciara as they went into the dark corridor leading to the reception area. Then he suddenly stopped and pulled her close. ‘I want to be free to be with you,’ he whispered and then he pressed his lips to hers, holding her tight for an instant.

Ciara closed her eyes and kissed him back. His lips were soft against hers and he smelled of soap and freshly ironed linen. His hair was silky as she put her hand to the back of his neck. It was a sweet, touching moment that lasted only seconds but would remain in her memory for a long time. ‘So do I,’ she mumbled back as they sprang apart when someone came towards them down the corridor.

‘Sorry about that,’ Ronan said. ‘I don’t know what came over me.’

‘Whatever it was, I liked it,’ Ciara said, smiling at him as they emerged into the light of the reception area.

‘So did I,’ Ronan said softly in her ear. Then he showed his membership card to the woman at the desk and they went through the turnstile into the sunlit garden that smelled of flowers and newly mown grass.

‘We’d better find Elaine and your mum,’ Ronan said, looking suddenly anxious.

‘I’m sure they’re enjoying the lovely roses that must be in bloom,’ Ciara soothed. ‘But look, here they are now,’ she added as Maureen walked towards them, Elaine wheeling herself beside her. Ciara noticed that Elaine’s expression was sad and that the friendly vibes between her and Maureen had turned a little chilly.

‘Ronan, we have to go home,’ Elaine said as soon as she spotted them. ‘I’m very tired.’

Ronan snapped to attention. ‘Of course, Elaine. If you wait here, I’ll get the car and pull up just outside the entrance.’

‘No, take me outside now,’ Elaine ordered.

‘Okay.’ Ronan grabbed the handlebars of the wheelchair. ‘Bye, Maureen and Ciara. Thanks for coming to see us today.’

‘Thank you for a lovely lunch,’ Maureen said. ‘So nice to meet you, Elaine. Hope to see you soon again. You’d be welcome to visit us when the bookshop is open.’