Page 76 of The Breakup Bookshop

‘Margaret!’ Eilidh laughs.

‘Ah, come on now,’ Margaret says. ‘We women should stick together, shouldn’t we? If anyone ever made a move on my Bill, I’d have knocked their block off.’

Pete shakes his head, sadly. ‘Your Bill never had eyes for anyone but you, Margaret.’

‘I bloody well know that, and nor should he have. Nor should anyone in a relationship, truth be told. You don’t settle for these silly men, do you hear me, ladies?’

The group, including Pete, nod in unison. Margaret is right; we shouldn’t settle for less. I love her words of wisdom. I am pretty sure, minus the swearing, that my granny would have said the same thing.

My sudden confession, and the unwavering support, makes me feel lighter. If I am finally opening up about Macy, it means I am healing, doesn’t it? I look around the circle, wondering how many others are keeping their real battle hidden. My eyes land on Donna. She’s back to her usual cheery, supportive self, but I’ve not forgotten her faraway look in the courtyard that night. I know she’s concealing her own secret. I’m just not sure what it is yet.

Eilidh lets out a long sigh as I pass the book along to her, signalling her turn to take over.

‘Well, I can’t imagine ever feeling like I’m over Mark’s affair, but I know everyone is different.’

‘Ah, come on, Eilidh, you and Mark were married with two kids and now he’s having a baby with someone else,’ I point out. ‘No wonder you’re not “over” it.’

‘I want to be, for the sake of the boys.’ Her voice cracks as she looks around the group, who nod sympathetically. ‘I can’t keep holding on to this anger, you know?’

It is the most emotional breakup bookshop meeting yet. Fiona even starts to open up about her long-lost love and, while she doesn’t ‘come out’ to the group, she talks fondly about her relationship and the devastation she faced when it ended, keeping the pronouns firmly gender neutral. Margaret reminisces about her husband Bill, revealing that, while they’d been lucky to have so many happy years together, they’d never been able to conceive the child they wanted so desperately.

‘I think we used up all of our luck getting each other,’ she says with a smile, her eyes crinkling.

That starts everyone off again. Donna seems completely thrown by the comment. Her eyes well up and she excuses herself with a trip to the bathroom. She eventually returns to the group with red eyes and a wobbly, apologetic smile.

We are way past the finishing time of the group, but no one cares. It feels important that we keep talking, keep the flow going, so everyone gets their chance to speak.

Pete clears his throat and holds some pictures in the air.

‘I just wanted to say that these are the pictures I showed Donna after she said at the first session she wanted to see more pictures of her mum. I genuinely don’t think she’d have told me that without this group. It really is helping people in our community and that’s bloody brilliant if you ask me.’

‘Hear, hear Pete!’ Margaret agrees and the group offers up a round of applause. Donna chimes in with a ‘whoop whoop’, followed by a loud whistle.

‘God, you’ll start me off all over again,’ I say, my voice cracking slightly. ‘Thank you, everyone.’

‘We should meet again tomorrow night,’ Donna suggests. ‘It feels like we’ve had a breakthrough tonight. We should run with it.’

Everyone nods in agreement, and I smile. This is what it’s all about – being there for one another. The pit of doom in my stomach feels much lighter and everyone else feels the same. As we all say our goodbyes, there are hugs and well wishes all round. I catch sight of Fiona as she picks up her bag to leave and call after her.

Fiona beams at me and I envelop her in an embrace.

‘I just wanted to say thank you for letting me see your house,’ I say, rubbing her back. I hold on to her hands as I pull back. ‘My granny’s old house. It was so special for me.’

Fiona smiles. ‘I only bought the cottage last year. I didn’t realize your granny lived there. Rory and I agreed you’d want to take some time in the house alone, but please come and visit while I’m there next time. I’ll make us some tea and scones. You can tell me all about your childhood memories of the cottage. I’d love to hear them.’

‘Honestly, I can’t think of anything I’d like more. Thank you.’

‘I’ll hold you to it,’ Fiona says. ‘Now, can we please address how sweet it was of Rory to organize it for you?’

I nod. ‘Yes, it was. It really was.’

‘When you find a good one, you hold on to him,’ she says, her eyes twinkling. ‘Or her.’

‘Or her.’ I smile as Fiona waves on her way towards the door. ‘See you for scones soon!’

Donna and Eilidh promise to stay behind to help me clear up, but after the group have left, we remain firmly in our seats.

‘I’m emotionally exhausted after that,’ Donna exclaims. ‘I feel like I’ve been through an exorcism.’