Page 75 of The Breakup Bookshop

‘He’s been single for a long time,’ Eilidh reasons. ‘He’s probably not used to keeping someone in the loop.’

It may be true, but it still stings.

‘If I hadn’t known Elle’s plans, I probably wouldn’t even care that he forgot to mention the wedding. But we didn’t part on good terms. I just can’t believe he has known me this whole time but didn’t tell me. I don’t like that he’s been lying to me. Or that we had the fight when Elle is about to confess her undying love for him. Most of all, I hate the bloody wedding. I just want it to be over and done with.’

‘He’ll be back before you know it. I know it’s not an excuse, but I can see why he was embarrassed. Rory was painfully shy as a teenager. He really struggled with his confidence.’

‘But he’s changed so much. Surely I’m not the first person not to recognize him since his glow up?’

Eilidh shakes her head. ‘I doubt it, Ava. You’ve got to remember, Rory has never really left Ullapool. It’s all he knows. It’s not like he’s meeting new people all the time. When you change here, people don’t notice. They see you every day, so the process is so gradual that it’s hard to recognize it, even if it’s big. I’m not sticking up for him, though. I’m on your side, I promise.’

‘Well, Elle clearly likes what she sees. Anyway, enough about me. Have you heard from the boys yet?’

‘Not yet. They arrive tonight and they’ll call tomorrow morning. I keep wondering if they’re okay. What if they miss me? Even worse, what if they don’t?’

Eilidh sighs. I pull her in for a hug that I need just as much. ‘Of course they’ll miss you. You’re their mum.’

‘I can’t stand the thought of them being sad without me, you know? Oh, screw this. I hate being a single parent. I hate Mark for putting me in this situation. It’s shit.’

‘I know, Eilidh. But they’ll be back next week and things’ll be back to normal.’

‘Yes,’ she grumbles. ‘I have the school to sort out, the activities to organize. All the boring stuff, while he gets the holidays and the fun. I don’t mean to sound like a child myself, but it’s bloody well not fair.’

‘Book the caravan holiday,’ I remind her. ‘Don’t let yourself feel like that. You can be the fun parent too.’

She nods. ‘I can be the fun parent. I will. I’ll book the caravan break.’

‘Good,’ I say with a smile.

I start to set up the chairs and tables for the breakup bookshop, reviewing the list, as Eilidh pops out to check her messages. I don’t want to mention it – not that there’s any hiding from Eilidh – but shop sales have dipped this week. Any moment now, she’s likely to get back on my case about charging people for the support group. At least I managed to submit the funding application. I just have to pray that it’s successful or it could spell the end of my business.

I must focus less on emotions and more on finances if I want to save my sinking ship.

*

I don’t mean for the attention to turn to me at the breakup bookshop.

I’d planned to stay extra quiet tonight. I don’t trust my own emotions and I hadn’t wanted to say something to the group that I would regret. But I can’t seem to halt the thoughts of Rory and Elle together in my mind and somehow the floodgates just open.

Margaret’s jaw almost hits the floor, as I find myself recounting the moment I walked into my London flat or, more accurately, Seb’s, to discover my best friend underneath my bedsheets.

‘I never expected it,’ I say, my lip trembling. I stare at the legs of one of the chairs, not trusting myself to look at anyone directly in case it throws me off. I have to talk about this now; it is time. ‘Not in a million years. Macy and I had been inseparable since I met her in high school. The teachers always said we were a “two for the price of one” deal, and we were until this happened. She was the last person I ever expected to hurt me. Macy wasn’t just a best friend, she was like a sister to me. Seb hurt me, but Macy… she’s the one that broke my heart.’

The whole room is silent as the tears land on my cheeks. Donna envelopes me into a tight hug as I finish, while Eilidh hands me a hankie.

Donna squeezes me a little tighter. ‘That can’t have been easy to talk about.’

‘You’ve never even mentioned Macy,’ Eilidh says. ‘You poor thing.’

I nod slowly. ‘I’ve not been able to talk about it for so long. It’s been months now and I haven’t opened up about it to anyone. I’ve gone through all the emotions with it, but I guess the real reason behind the breakup bookshop wasn’t because I’d broken up with some guy. That was horrible, but I think the thing I’ve really been struggling with is mourning the end of such an important friendship. That meant more to me than one hundred Sebs.’

‘Euch.’ Donna shivers. ‘One hundred Sebs – no thank you. One sounds bad enough.’

I shrug. ‘Seb was great, until he wasn’t. It’s losing Macy that I’ve struggled the most with. I don’t feel like I’m over that yet.’

‘You know what I say to Macy?’ Margaret interjects, her small eyes looking like they might pop out of her head. ‘Fuck her.’

The whole support group looks at one another in surprise. Everyone bursts into laughter, including me.