Page 56 of Vow of Desire

Rocco scoffs and Gabriel pointedly ignores him.

“I’ll speak to Dante,” Gabriel continues. “I’ll see what he’s aiming for. What he’s trying to achieve and then I’ll offer him a peace deal.”

“Another marriage?” Rocco asks with a sneer.

“If that’s what it takes.”

“How many innocent mafia girls need to be used for peace?”

Gabriel gazes at Rocco calmly. “You are a mafia man, Rocco. You knew the price when you had your daughter. All mafia men know. So let it go. Luciana is safe with Matteo. Has she been hurt? Abused?”

Shame hits me. The way I took Luciana was passionate and hot. But it shouldn’t have happened that way.

“No,” Rocco says through gritted teeth.

“So Luciana is fine. And I’ll make sure the situation with Dante Zaneli is fine too.” Gabriel turns to me. “Thank you for telling me.”

I leave his office but I can feel eyes on my back. With a glance behind, I see Rocco glaring at me. That’s not unusual. But what feels different this time is that I deserve his judgment.

I walk away before I can do anything else I might regret.

Luciana

“I have decided to throw a party,” I announce when Matteo returns home.

He stops in the kitchen, slowly setting his keys on the counter. “A party?”

“A get together. A dinner party. I think it’s a good idea to host something like that.”

“Is this you trying to be a perfect wife again?”

I flinch and turn away from him. “No. I just think…” I sigh. Honesty. He wants honesty. “I need to do something. I can’t just sit around all day after what happened with Alexandra. I need to be productive. And I was taught how to throw a dinner party. How to host. I want to do that – not just because I think it makes me look like a good wife – but because I truly want to. I need this, Matteo.”

He places his hand on my shoulder and I gasp, turning to him. “You mean this?”

“Yes. You told me to be honest with you about my feelings. This is me being honest.”

“Well, I see no harm in a dinner party. If it will help you, then you should do it. Just don’t let it tear you down. I don’t want you to expect it to be perfect and feel like a failure if it doesn’t go how you planned.”

“I’ll try. I promise. Thank you.”

Neither one of us moves away. It’s like we want to fall back into each other’s arms but we’re hesitant. I know Matteo feels bad for what happened. I don’t though. I needed him to take me in that moment. I don’t regret it.

But I also know it can’t happen again. If we are to have sex in the future, it needs to be full of transparency.

I can still remember how he felt between my legs. The power and strength. The pain and pleasure. It makes my stomach tingle just thinking about it.

I want it again.

Yet, I can’t get the words out.

Matteo nods, like he understands, and walks away. A cold, heavy brick hits me in the stomach. This is not what I want my marriage to be and I don’t know how to fix it.

“I hear you’re throwing a dinner party,” Joan says at the following tea function.

“Yes. I was handing out invitations.” I show her the card invitations I made. It seemed more personal than a digital invite. Decorated in white with black lettering, there’s a classy way about them. I don’t want my life to be full of pink like the little, sheltered girl I once was. I want to be elegant. Womanly.

A true married mafia woman.