Page 57 of Vow of Desire

“Do you want one?” I ask Joan. My heart is beating. Joan was Alexandra’s best friend and she doesn’t even know that she’s dead. I know Matteo covered up her death to avoid drawing any sort of scandal or attention of the police.

She sniffs. “Why would I want to go to your party? You were rude to my friend. You know, Alexandra left town. It was probably because of you.”

My chest squeezes but I keep my composure. “Maybe. But Alexandra was the type of woman who always liked attention. I doubt she just… left.”

“Then where is she? She emailed me, telling me she was getting out of town. I know it was because you humiliated her. So no, I am not going to attend your little dinner party. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

I flinch. So much for my composure.

Joan flips her hair over her shoulder and walks away with a smirk. I deserve that. I am the reason Alexandra is dead.

No, I tell myself. I had no way of knowing what Dante was going to do. I can’t blame myself for that. I’m trying to let go like Matteo wants for me. It’s so hard though. Almost impossible.

I finish handing out my invitations. At least some of the other mafia women agree to be there. Aurora and Sienna promise they’ll attend.

It’s time to focus on something new and not the past. Thinking of the past has only hurt me. I have to move forward.

I have to let go.

The night of the dinner party. I dress in a simple, black evening gown. Hugs my body. Shows a tiny bit of cleavage but not too much. I am a woman now and I need to start acting like it.

Matteo is in a white button down and navy slacks. I can’t deny how good he looks. It makes my stomach squeeze at the thought of him touching me again. Now that I’ve experienced it, I want it again. And again. What does that say about me? I’m not sure but I am starting to feel tired of the shame inside of me. I want another release just to push aside all my fears and worries.

“You look beautiful,” he murmurs.

“Thank you. You look very handsome.” The compliment makes my cheeks red.

He runs the back of his hand down my face. “Still so innocent. There’s so many other ways I can show you pleasure. We haven’t even begun to scratch the surface.”

“I want that,” I whisper.

His eyes widen for a second before lust fills them. “I want that too.”

I take a step closer to him, ready to tell him how much I need him, when the doorbell rings.

Our guests have arrived.

I invited around twenty people, which turns into forty people. All the mafia women I invited arrive with their husbands in tow.

Gabriel and Aurora approach us. “Thank you for this,” Aurora says. “Your house looks beautiful. I can’t wait to eat. I’m so hungry.” She places her hands over her stomach. “I’m eating for two now.”

I gasp and give Aurora a huge hug. “I’m so happy for you.”

Matteo shakes Gabriel’s hand. “Congratulations.”

“You’ll make a great mom,” I say into Aurora’s ear. A better mom than me. I always dreamed of being a mother one day but if I snap like I did when I became a wife, I’m not sure if I should have kids. I’m not sure I’ll be ready any time soon.

After they walk away, more of our guests come to greet us. I did offer the invitation to Emma in case she and Leo wanted to come but they declined. It’s better this way. No drama.

That is until Joan enters with her husband Gregory. The sight of her makes my spine stiffen. Matteo notices and places his hand on my low back.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Joan. I didn’t know she’d be here. She said she didn’t want to come. She’s… best friends with Alexandra.”

Matteo nods. “I can tell her to leave.”

“No,” I say quickly. “I’m trying to be a good hostess. We have enough food and space. I’ll be fine. I can make it through tonight.”