Page 20 of Vow of Desire

“And there it is. You would have sex with me out of fear. But I don’t want you to fear me. Yes, we have a duty to perform. But it doesn’t have to be tonight. My cock isn’t even hard.”

She flinches. “You find me repulsive?”

Her question startles me. It’s so open and honest. Real. “I find you beautiful. But I can’t get hard at the thought of taking you when you clearly don’t want it. I like a woman who’s willing in my bed.”

“And yet, you kidnapped Emma.”

Now it’s my turn to flinch. “I did. Because she was promised to me. But I wasn’t going to rape her. I never intended on that. I was just going to marry her.”

“And you thought she’d care for you?”

“I wasn’t thinking about that at the time,” I admit. “I was thinking about how I was wronged. But I’m thinking about you now, Luciana. Because you’re my wife. Not Emma. I’m not going to start our marriage off by raping you. It’s been a long day. We should go to bed.”

“But I have to do my duty.”

“You can do your duty another night. Let’s go to bed.” I take the blanket away from her and set back on the bed before I get under the covers. I can feel Luciana looking at me for a long time before she lays down beside me.

Luciana

What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do this?

I have to make Matteo want me because the more he’s happy, the more at peace we are. The more safe my father is.

I was supposed to give him my body. Why couldn’t I? Why is none of this going to plan?

I squeeze my eyes shut as I curl into a ball. Matteo is behind me. The tension is radiating off his body. I’m sure he can feel the tension in my body as well.

Tears slip out of my eyes. I am not the perfect wife I’m supposed to be. I have no idea what Matteo wants.

He wants me to be a good wife and yet he also wants me to fight back? I don’t understand. I was taught to follow the men in my life and Matteo is that man now. I have to do what he wants.

Yet, I don’t want it.

Matteo is an incredibly handsome man. The sight of his bare chest was unlike anything I’ve ever seen on a man in person before. It made my stomach flutter.

And yet, I still can’t stop being afraid. Matteo has made it clear he won’t hurt me but he also spanked me tonight. Why can’t I warm up to him?

Why can’t I be the perfect wife I’m supposed to be?

Why is it all so hard?

I feel him shift around behind me and I press myself into a ball tighter. He sighs. What is he thinking?

He doesn’t want me to be fake but that’s all I’ve ever known. Be polite above anything else. I can’t just change that overnight.

The thought that this is how I’m going to spend my wedding night fills my stomach with such a deep ache, I can’t stop the sob from escaping me. Matteo doesn’t comment or offer me comfort but I know he can hear me and that makes me cry harder.

Chapter Six

Luciana

The air is tense between me and Matteo in the morning. Neither one of us wants to talk about last night. The fear I experienced. The disappointment in his eyes.

But one thing became clear to me: Matteo didn’t force me to have sex with him. Which means there must be some good in him. Despite that, I still can’t seem to relax around him. Maybe it’s because I feel like a failure. I was supposed to do my duty last night and I couldn’t and now our marriage could be on the line. Peace could be on the line.

My father’s life could be on the line.

I change into a simple, summer dress in the bathroom. Even though Matteo saw my body last night, I’m still not comfortable being naked around him.