Page 19 of Vow of Desire

I spank her especially hard but still nothing. “What will it take for you to let go?” I step away from her. Luciana rolls onto her side, still not giving me anything. “Show me your real self, Luciana. If you don’t want to do this, then tell me you don’t want to do this.”

“I have to do my duty. You said so.”

“I know what I said. Fuck what I said,” I snarl.

Her eyes widen as she finally looks at me. “But you said –,”

“I know. And we should do this. We need this marriage to work for peace between our people. We should consummate the marriage. But I can’t stand the thought of fucking you when you’re acting like a cold doll.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to be you. I want you to tell me what’s on your mind. Do you want to do this?”

“I have to do my duty.”

“That’s not what I asked. Do you want to do this?”

“It’s not about what I want. It’s about what I have to do.”

I shake my head. “You still haven’t answered my question. Do you. Want. To do. This?”

“No!” she snaps, sitting up and wrapping the blanket over her bare chest. “No. I don’t want to have sex tonight. I’m terrified. I’m terrified of you. I imagined my wedding day so many times and none of this is what I expected.”

“What did you expect?”

“I expected love. I expected warmth. I didn’t expect to marry a stranger. I didn’t expect to be so scared to the man I have to now call my husband.”

“I told you that you don’t need to fear me.”

“You just spanked me. How am I supposed to feel about that?”

I run my hand down my face. “This was supposed to be easy. You would become my wife. I would get the peace deal I wantedwith Gabriel. And then that was supposed to be that. But I guess we can’t all get what we want in life.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’re making this difficult. Why won’t you just stop being so high strung?”

She flinches. I realize the moment I say the words that I shouldn’t have. “Why won’t you stop being so cold? Or terrifying? I guess this is our marriage. Neither one of us is going to get what we wanted.”

“At least you’re finally showing me something real. A fire in your eyes. If you don’t want to have sex tonight, then tell me.”

“I don’t want to have sex tonight.”

“But if I said we had to, you would lay down and let me have my way with you. Is that it?”

She hesitates, telling me everything I need to know.

“You would,” I say. “Because that’s how you were raised. You wouldn’t try to fight me. You wouldn’t try to kill me. You would just take it. But I don’t want a wife who will just take it. I want my wife to desire me. I want my wife to not look at me with fear in her eyes.”

She lowers her gaze. “I don’t know how to look at you without fear.”

“At least you’re being honest with me about that.”

“I’m sorry I’m not the perfect wife you want me to be.” She sounds so sullen. So… sad. It’s like a brick right to my heart. “I’m failing at this. I should be perfect. Why isn’t this perfect?”

I sigh. “Luciana… We have the rest of our lives together. We don’t have to have sex tonight.”

She jerks her head up. “But what about our marriage? We have to do this or our marriage is at risk. Peace is at risk. I can’t risk you killing my father if I don’t do this.”