Page 49 of Hellhound AU

“A dildo?” I asked.

“Well, maybe it was a few boxes of dildos. And some rainbow glitter. I specifically asked the clerk to sprinkle it inside.”

I groaned and closed my eyes. The dildos were probably easily blown off, depending on how sensitive the group was. But the rainbow glitter? Glitter goteverywhere. You’d be finding it for weeks afterwards. Glitter was a call to war.

“How did they track you from the purchase if you used their card?” I asked.

Ethel looked guilty and didn’t answer.

I picked my aching head up and looked at her. “Ethel?”

“Well, my order was probably pretty memorable. I sent monster cocks, and tentacle cocks, and rainbow cocks, and did you know there’s a dildo that actually inserts eggs—”

“Ethel! Focus! How’d they find you?”

“I maybe ordered some dildos to be sent to the retirement home, too,” Ethel admitted.

I groaned, letting my head fall back down against the pillow. (At least my kidnappers had given me a pillow.)

“But really, can you imagine that old prude Grace opening up a tentacle dildo? Probably the most fun she’s had in decades.”

“Ethel, if you cannot hack responsibly, I’m going to take away your computer privileges.”

Ethel didn’t look the least bit fazed at that. My head was still pounding, but at any moment I would get up and rescue us. Although, giving Rowan the opportunity to rescue us did sound lovely, too. I bet there would be some great rescue sex afterwards.

Still, I didn’t think it would be useful to just hang around as captives, waiting to see what heinous things the neo-Nazis might do to us.

“What did our captors say or do so far?” I asked.

Ethel shrugged. “They ruined my car, for starters. Then they took us both—I was a bit muddled, and you were unconscious, so I didn’t catch much of what they said or anything. They put us in this room, and that’s been it so far.”

I sat up in bed with a groan, giving myself a moment for the room to stop spinning. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, and Ethel stood up, giving me her hand. I managed to stand, but once I was standing, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself. The world got a little less dizzying as I stood there, though, so I supposed that was a plus.

I took stock of the room. There really wasn’t much here. The bed was on what looked like a cheap metal frame. There were some possibilities there, although it would be a pain in the ass to take apart the frame in order to use it as any type of weapon. It would probably be loud, too. The dresser looked basic and pretty cheap—probably a big box store purchase. I didn’t think I could use that for much. There wasn’t a television or anything else in the room. Not even a mirror, although I would’ve hated breaking one. I wasn’t very superstitious, but the not breaking mirrors thing was one rule I followed.

There was a window, but when I made my way over to it I saw we were up on the third floor. I could probably manage to get down, but Ethel couldn’t, and there was no way I was leaving her behind. There were no neighbors and no road facing the window, so calling for help wouldn’t do anything but annoy our captors.

“I’m sorry I got you into this,” Ethel said.

I turned around to find her sitting on the bed and looking down at her hands. I went and sat next to her. I hated seeing her downtrodden.

“Don’t worry—if Rowan doesn’t rescue us in a timely manner, I’ll rescue us. This is just part of a normal day,” I joked.

She looked at me, her face serious. “That’s what I mean, Milo. I’m sorry I got you intoallof this. Sometimes I think that if I hadn’t been around, you would have a perfectly normal life as a banker or a college professor or something.”

I scoffed. Who wanted to be a banker or college professor when you could be a problem solver?

“No, Milo—seriously. After Anabelle died…” she trailed off.

“After Aunt Anabelle died, we were both destroyed. If it hadn’t been for you, I don’t think I could have made my way out of the grief and depression I was in. Yousavedme, Ethel. You and the whole crew. You guys bring light and joy into my life. God, that sounds so corny, but it’s true.”

“But I should have encouraged you to do something better with your life,” she argued.

“Better than helping people? Better than saving animals? Better than savingpeople? I don’t think there is a better job.”

She grabbed onto my hand, and I knew she wasn’t going to let this go. I sighed. I guessed it was time for unburdening my soul. Oh boy. Hopefully our captors would let us have our moment before they came barging in.

“Ethel, I love you. I love how you support me and help me and guide me to problems to solve. Even if you hadn’t, I would still do what I do, and I would still be what I am. You and Aunt Anabelle both taught me right from wrong, and you taught me to care about injustice in the world. It wasn’t your fault I started doing something about it. Hell, if you want to blame anyone, blame Aunt Anabelle.”