Page 70 of To Have & To Hold

Nathaniel immediately relaxed, offering her his arm before leading her down the hall. “Your wish is my command.”

When Nathaniel pushed open the engraved doors to the library, Emilia’s heart nearly stopped at the magnificent sight.

The towering bookcases climbed two stories toward a vaulted ceiling painted with the image of a soft blue summer sky and wispy pink clouds. A wrought-iron gallery circled the upper level, reached by a sweeping staircase that curved along the far wall.

Every shelf was crowded with countless leather-bound volumes, and the afternoon sunlight poured through enormous arched windows setting the entire room alight. Beside one window sat a polished writing desk, neatly arranged with ink and parchment. Plush armchairs surrounded the fire burning in the intricately carved marble fireplace.

Emilia wandered slowly between the shelves, her fingertips grazing the worn spines. Books on every subject spanned the shelves—more than she could ever hope to read.

“Have you read all of these?” she breathed.

Nathaniel chuckled softly. “Not quite.”

Emilia wandered further into the room until she reached the great windows overlooking the gardens below.

“It is beautiful,” she whispered.

Nathaniel came to stand beside her. “This is my favorite room, and I must confess I was secretly hoping it would become yours as well.”

Emilia smiled at him, “I believe it might be.”

The silence settled comfortably between them, but Emilia could feel Nathaniel’s frame standing rigid beside her.

“Are you happy?” Nathaniel’s voice echoed through the quiet room. The question caught Emilia completely by surprise.

“I am,” she replied, attempting her most convincing smile.

Nathaniel’s eyes remained fixed on hers. “I do not mean are you happy at Rosemore.” His voice grew hesitant. “Are you happy with me?”

His words stole the breath from her lungs. Emilia searched his face but could find none of the sure confidence he usually carried. Instead, all she could see in the depths of eyes were hope and fear—as though her answer mattered more than anything else in the world.

“Oh, Nathaniel…”

Emilia crossed the small distance between them and slipped her hand into his. His fingers closed around hers at once, as though they had been longing to do so for far too long. The tension left his shoulders immediately, and it made her heart ache. Since their conversation surrounding Alexander she had been so consumed by the turmoil in her own heart that she had not even noticed the worry that had been plaguing him.

“I am happy,” she said softly, afraid her voice would break. “I am happier than I ever imagined I could be.”

His thumb brushed gently across her knuckles. “I am relieved to hear that. For I find that I have become rather invested in your happiness.” He gave a small, self-conscious smile. His free hand lifted to gently cup her cheek.

“I meant what I said in the hall,” he murmured. “I wish to know every one of your dreams, Emilia.”

He hesitated for a moment, tracing lightly along her cheekbone. “I wish to know everything that you hold in your heart—every fear so that I may help soothe it, and every dream so that I may spend the rest of my life making them come true—because I am beginning to believe that is precisely what you have done for me.”

Emotion surged through Emilia so fiercely she could barely stand.Oh, how she loved him.

She wanted to tell him. She wanted to throw her arms around him and confess everything, declaring that she loved him with every shattered piece of her heart. But the truth stood between them like an uncrossable chasm. If he knew the truth of what she was hiding he would take every one of her shadows upon himself, and she could not bear to watch that wonderful light in his eyes disappear forever.

“Nathaniel…” she whispered.

A knock sounded at the open door. “Your Grace?”

Emilia took a step back and looked up to find Briggs standing in the doorway.

“Dinner is served.”

“Thank You, Briggs.” Nathaniel closed his eyes and exhaled a quiet laugh. “Impeccable timing, as always.”

The older gentleman inclined his head with a slight hint of amusement.