Page 70 of Everything We Found

Nadia sensed Thomas was already awake when she came to, cocooned in his arms, her back to his front, their legs folded together under the covers she didn’t remember pulling over them. She felt rested, but the room was still dark.

“What time is it?” she whispered.

“A little after two.”

Had it really been less than twenty-four hours since they left the safe house? She’d slept for eight of them. Incredible, given how paranoid she’d been feeling.

“How long have you been up?”

“Not long,” he answered in a quiet tone. But his delivery gave away that his thoughts had woken him up and been keeping him awake.

She turned in his arms. They shared a pillow. Moonlight poured through the window, casting his features in muted grays. She lightly ran her fingernails through his hair then traced his jaw line over his smooth skin. He’d shaved when he showered. Her thumb slid over his lips as she wondered what troubled him.

“Have you heard from James?”

He shook his head. “I just called him. He didn’t pick up.”

“Is it possible he doesn’t have his phone on him?”

“Possible, but not likely.” He tenderly kissed her thumb, his hand gliding along her hip and up her waist to curve over her ribs. His thumb caressed the underside of her breast. She shifted her legs, slipping one over his thigh, sleep sliding off her body as she brought herself even closer to him.

“Aimee offered to reach him when I told her how worried you were about him and his family.” The muscles under her fingertips tensed. They never had discussed who they could call or what they were allowed to say. “She thought he might answer a call from her. She’ll try to convince him to get in touch with you.”

The hand curved over her ribs pressed into her skin. “If she can do that, forme, I would be… I don’t know what, exactly. Grateful, definitely. Even if she doesn’t convince him, tell her thank you. I know how she feels about me.”

“I’m sorry he hasn’t called. I know it’s agony not knowing.”

“It is, but we both know why he’s ghosting me. The last thing he ever wanted was to have to disappear again.”

Nadia presumed by now the FBI would have presented him with a similar option to the one Cammy was working on for them.

“Any word on your mom?” she asked.

She heard his breath catch in his throat and inwardly wept for bringing Claire up. But her disappearance had to be taxing on him. She didn’t know exactly when her mind had changed—when she had changed—but Nadia had woken up knowing where she stood with Thomas, whether or not he agreed. They were in this together, which meant sharing their plans, what was on their minds, and what disturbed them. No more secrets.

“Nothing since Kane went dark. I keep thinking—” He faltered mid-sentence, his fingers fidgeting along her ribs.

Nadia reached for his hand and drew it up between them, kissed his fingers. “Tell me.”

“I keep thinking about Phil. What he endured before they killed him.”

“You’re afraid they’re doing the same to her.” The same thought frequently crossed her mind.

“Terrified.”

“She’s strong, Tom.”

“Not for this. She’s almost seventy. This is all on me.”

“Stop right there. Don’t you dare think that.” She clasped his jaw, forcing him to meet her eyes. “This is not on you. It isn’t your fault. I won’t let you take the blame for this,” she insisted, realizing as she spoke that her own tune was changing. She was viewing the Donatos’ situation with the cartel with newfound and startling clarity. “If you need to blame someone, blame Phil. Blame the Hidalgos.”

“Isn’t it though? My fault? My father dragged me into this, but I chose to withhold it from James. If I’d told him what was happening…”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything,” she said before he started unraveling. He’d brought this up with her before. How often did he dwell on this on his own? Infinitely, she guessed. Guilt was her own constant companion. “He’s as strong headed as you. He still would have gone after Phil, especially after whatPhil had done to Aimee. But even if he hadn’t, the DEA and FBI still would have raided Donato Enterprises and all those other businesses. They still would have captured and sentenced Fernando Ruiz and his second-in-command, and he would still be set on vengeance. None of that would have changed. We’d still be running for our lives.”

“You wouldn’t be. You wouldn’t have been involved at all if I hadn’t had to fake James’s death. You never would have come looking for me at the funeral home. I will always regret forcing you to cooperate. That will never change.”

Just as she always regretted going along with him at the risk of jeopardizing her friendship with Aimee. But if the past seventy-two hours had shown her anything, it was why he’d been so adamant about keeping James’s existence secret. The Hidalgos were terrifying. Her unexpected arrival hadn’t given him any other choice but to force her cooperation. Had she told Aimee about James back then and Aimee had gone looking for him before Fernando Ruiz had been captured, she could have gotten both James and herself killed. Phil could have gotten wind of the FBI investigation which could have sent Fernando Ruiz underground. Who knows how many people would have died during the years he should have been imprisoned.