Page 63 of A Quiet Affection

Jane wanted to scream and scream and scream.

Lizzy then bowed her head.

“I did not say that. I did not mean it. I do not say such things.” Jane spoke woodenly. “I have no idea.” She laughed weakly. “I do not even know that word. Of course not. I only overheard George say it once. Hahaha. But, of course, I forgive you. Of course I do. I am sure your reasons were very good indeed. I do forgive you. Of course I do. I already said that. Didn’t I? I cannot quite recall. But of course. Why, there is nothing to forgive, is there? I nearly did not marry him. But…but…”

Her sister’s lips were pressed together. Elizabeth had started crying.

Jane let out a convulsive sob.

She embraced her sister. At first Elizabeth was stiff, but then she leaned into the hug.

“Lizzy, forgive me,” Jane said. “It is not your fault. It is my fault. I have no one to blame but myself. I realized I did not love him. When we kneeled together before everyone in the church. Before I said my vows. I could have stopped the ceremony and walked away. But I felt too much shame and embarrassment to do so—If you’d told me, I would have done the same. I would have let George tell me a story, and I would have made myself believe it. It was three years ago? In the year four? No, no. Lizzy, you must not blame yourself. I was the fool. I was.”

“Jane, I should have told you.”

“Yes, but you should not blame yourself.”

Fitzwilliam came to them from across the room.

George and Mr. Darcy stared at them from near the big mantlepiece.

Fitzwilliam laid a hand on Lizzy’s shoulder in a familiar way. “Have you told her yet?”

“Hardly anything,” Lizzy replied.

Jane laughed weekly. “What more can there be to say? My nerves cannot manage more.”

“I…I shall leave this evening. I will immediately go to Uncle Gardiner in London.”

A small blow but expected. “Yes. You must. You cannot stay with George. Oh, but I shall miss you!”

“I shall miss you as well.”

“My dear, dear sister,” Jane said, and she tightly embraced Lizzy again. “I do so love you. You must write to me, every week.”

“I shall. Twice a week. But, Jane, I…I must tell you.” Elizabeth let out a deep breath.

Jane felt a spasm of cold. “What else is there? What else must I know?”

“It is not unhappy news. It only…Fitzwilliam and I are engaged.” Lizzy flushed and tilted her head to the ground.

Jane could hardly understand the words. It made very little sense to her. There was something confident and proud and happy in Fitzwilliam’s bearing as he took Elizabeth’s hand.

“Jane, when you are married to such a man. I do not mean to…I feel so guilty. I am happy, but I know that you cannot be. And I blame myself. I do. And—”

“You must not.” Jane started to smile. She looked between the two of them. She had rather thought that Lizzy would never marry. And now it seemed that she had made a truly exceptional match. “But truly, you two mean to marry? You do? Lizzy, you are happy—I see you smile at that question. Of course you are happy. It makes good sense. You two have always been such dear friends. Oh, but poor Mr. Darcy, he shall not be happy to hear this. Do you mean to tell your father?”

“I shall not hide it from him,” Fitzwilliam said. “I would not have told him more about Wickham’s character after he had already once ignored what I said upon the matter, but this is something which…were I in his place, I would wish to know, even if it made my last weeks less happy. I shall tell him as soon as Elizabeth has been safely set in her carriage. The day is already well past noon, so I think we must arrange matters now. Lizzy, do you wish me to tell Papa, or would you rather say yourself?”

“Is George still sitting with Mr. Darcy?” Elizabeth asked.

“He is.”

Jane threw her arms around Elizabeth. “You are leaving! You are leaving. But you’ll be back in time. But then, oh, but I do notknow if we can ever be so close. I suspect that my husband will not like it if we are.”

“You shouldn’t care anything about whathelikes,” Elizabeth replied viciously. “You know what his character is.”

“Yes, and you know mine. I swore to honor and obey him, and I shall, and I will not hear him spoken ill of.”