Page 52 of The Way Home

“So he’s not touchy about me anymore?”

“No. He knows you’re gay as hell.”

“Right.”

“He says hi, by the way.”

Jamie frowned down at the last piece of toast. “Oh. Hi.”

Ellie paused for a moment, then said, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s still weird that people have to tell me… how I feel about things.”

Ellie shrugged, like that wasn’t weird. Like it wasn’t odd to hear “yeah, you’re friends with Will” when you hadnorecollection of Will at all. Like, until two seconds ago, you didn’t know a single person named Will.

It frustrated Jamie, and yet, Ellie shrugged it off. But, she was just like that. Not easily shaken by things like injuries or accidents or anything that most people would find scary or out of the ordinary. It was probably from spending so much time in hospitals.

“Tell me about him,” Jamie said, genuinely curious who had won Ellie’s heart. “Oh, wait, shit.” His fork froze halfway to his mouth. “I shouldn’t have asked you to hang onValentine’s Daywhen you have a boyfriend. Sorry, El.”

She waved his concerns away with her own fork. “It’s fine. He’s taking me out tonight.” She went on to tell him all about Will. How they met working in the same ward at the hospital, and everything she adored about him. They’d first bonded over their Asian heritage—his parents were from the same part of Japan as her dad—along with both being huge Chelsea fans.

“God forbid you date anyone who isn’t a Chelsea fan,” Jamie joked.

“I dated you!”

“I like Chelsea.”

She deadpanned. “You know literally nothing about football. Nothing.”

Jamie rolled his eyes. He probably knew more now that he was with Caleb. Ordid.

His heart sank in that way it always did when he was reminded about what he’d lost. Everything he had to catch up on. Everything thatotherswould have to catch him up on.

Ellie didn’t seem to notice his glumness, because she continued chattering about Will, their plans for Valentine’s Day, and how she’d recently charmed his extremely intimidating parents into liking her. She talked about getting promoted at the hospital, and her dad finally visiting her in London, and Jamie’s heart sank lower and lower the more he realized how much of his best friend’s life he’d missed.

Was this his life now? Hearing the headlines from the last few years, without remembering a single thing?

An overwhelming sadness pressed on him, forcing him to put his fork on his plate. His hands started to shake, and he tried hard to hold back the tears that prickled behind his eyes.

“J? What’s wrong?” Ellie put her plate down on the table and moved next to him on the couch. “What the fuck?”

Pressing shaky palms to his eyes, Jamie snorted. “Is that what you say to your patients? What the fuck?”

“Are you a patient right now?” Ellie said seriously. “What’s happening? Are you panicking?”

A soft hand rubbed his back as he tried to breathe. Fuck this, he wouldnotpanic. He just needed a second to collect himself. He was fine. Totally fucking fine.

The tidal wave of panic started to subside the more he focused on the contact of Ellie’s hand, the familiar smell of the flat, and her words.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m right here.”

“I’m sorry.” The dam broke inside Jamie, and suddenly, he was shaking and crying into his hands. “I’m so sorry, El. It sucks. It sucks so fucking bad that I don’t know what’s going on in your life.Who you’re dating or what you’ve been up to. I hate having to ask. It’s so fucking—I can’t—I feel—” He couldn’t catch his breath.

“Shh, J. It’s really okay.”

It wasn’t okay. None of this was okay. He felt like an awful friend, an awful person, and it was bloody embarrassing.

What about Caleb? How exhausting must it be for Caleb to have to start over with him? Show him where the fucking extra linens were, or where the closest grocery store was. Was Caleb expected to justwaituntil Jamie was a normal, functioning person again?