Page 283 of Tell Me I'm Enough

He just laughs like I made a joke. “Simone.”

“I’m serious.”

He lifts the cup again, and I grab it before he can drink it.

“Hey,” I say quietly. “That’s enough.”

Something flickers across his face—annoyance.

He snatches it back from me before I can react and downs it in one motion.

“Don’t ruin tonight,” he says. It’s not mean, but sharp enough to hurt my feelings.

I step back, a little hurt. “I’m not ruining anything. I’m trying to help you.”

“Well, you are,” he says, swaying and having to grab onto someone’s shoulder beside him.

I can see the flip switching from fun to disaster, and I want nothing to do with it.

I thought I could handle tonight. I thought I could get enough alcohol in me not to care as I watch him go as far as his body will let him. But I can’t. No amount of alcohol will make me not care. And if I can’t stop it, I can’t watch it either.

I take another step back, looking around. Looking for a place to go. Anywhere but here. As I turn to walk away, his hand grabs my wrist gently, pulling my attention back to him.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I lie automatically, trying to keep the tears from falling.

“Where are you going?”

“I just…need some air.”

“But…you’re good?” he slurs.

I just nod, not being able to speak. “Mhm.”

I turn and walk away before he can ask anything else, before I end up crying in front of him.

“You want me to come?” he shouts across the room.

I turn, only feet away from him. The part of me that always says yes almost answers. But I’m just so tired tonight.

“No,” I tell him. “Enjoy your night, Mason.”

He studies me for half a second like he’s trying to decide whether or not to push. Then someone shouts his name again, and he looks over his shoulder.

“Don’t disappear on me now,” he says.

I don’t respond. I just walk away.

Outside, the air is cool and damp. I sit on the front steps and pull my knees to my chest, taking another long drink from the cup I brought with me.

It doesn’t help.

It makes memoreaware.

More sad.

More angry.