Page 109 of Tell Me I'm Enough

Simone: I’d love that

Tyler: Love you

Simone: I love you too

I press my phone to my chest and smile.

Maybe this break can still turn around.

29

Simone

I never got that ice skating date…

And now I’m back on campus, feeling even more confused than when I left.

This has been the longest I’ve gone without hearing from Tyler, and it all just feels so…off. I don’t know where we stand, and I don’t know how we’re going to make it if we don’t get out of whatever funk we’re stuck in.

I’m happy to be back with my girls at least. I’ve missed them so much. And I was also really starting to get worried about Lydia, so I’m glad I can be back around her.

I got several concerning texts and a weird butt-dial over the break. She swears she wasn’t out partying, but when I picked up, all I heard were other voices, and they all sounded pretty fucked up. Every time I talked to her, she sounded less and less like herself, and I keep wondering if that was just from how she gets around the holidays or…something else.

I’m always scared of her starting to spiral without me knowing. I feel like if I can catch her or realize it’s happening before it gets bad, I can normally help. But she’s been so distant and secretive since we got to college.

I keep wanting to believe that she’s just getting out of her shell and she’s thriving and happy here…but something in my gut is telling me that’s just a front.

I’m on my way to pick up Lani and Sandro from the airport, and I wish Lydia had come with me, but she insisted she had to do something last-minute before we all got ready together for tonight.

When I pull up to their airline arrivals line, I see that bright, beautiful pink hair in the crowd of people. I put the car in park, not caring if I get yelled at, and jump out of the car, running to her.

Her RBF quickly turns into the biggest grin when she sees me. I pick her little self up, and I don’t know if I’m just being crazy or not…but she feels so light, and she looks even smaller than when I saw her just a couple of weeks ago.

“It was Christmas break, Lani…you were supposed to be eating all the junk, carbs, and desserts in sight.” I turn to Sandro, teasingly. “Are you just gonna let your sister waste away?”

I see Lani’s face drop a little, and Sandro looks confused and concerned when he looks over to his sister, then looks back to me, shrugging. “I tried to get her to go with me to In-N-Out almost every day.”

She lets out a little forced laugh. “I just wasn’t in the mood for trash food, I don’t know.”

One of the workers yells at us to keep it moving and to get back in my car, telling me that I’m holding up traffic, and I wave Lani and Sandro over to come get in and throw their luggage in my trunk.

When we’re all in the car, I turn to Lani again. “Since when are you not down for a fat, greasy, juicy burger?”

She shrugs. “Being home kinda makes me lose my appetite.”

My shoulders drop, and I frown. “I’m sorry, Lani. Seems like everyone had a shit break.”

“You can say that again,” she mumbles.

When we get back to the dorm, Lydia is back and rummaging through her drawers, looking for something.

“Honey, we’re home!” I shout.

She quickly turns around, closing the drawer. “Lani! You’re back!”

They hug and squeal, and I slowly see Lani light back up to her normal bubbly self.

The entire time we’re getting ready, things feel…off. Lydia leaves to ‘go to the bathroom’ at least three times, and Lani watches her every time, like she’s trying to place what’s off, too.