Page 141 of Cautious Love

Putting space between us may send a silent message to the Kensingtons to leave Ledger alone, and I have to take that chance. What I told him isn’t much, and it won’t get him far. But it was enough to distract him.

“I didn’t know how to tell you how I was feeling,” I croak.

He sighs heavily. “I’m not here to keep you from what you want. I’m here to support you and encourage you. I lo —” he cuts himself off, snapping his mouth closed.

“I need to know I can do this on my own,” I whisper.And I need to get my head straight because you have me spinning in circles. A lot of things scare me, but falling for you as quickly as I have scares me the most. I need to be able to trust myself again, and in order for me to accomplish that, I have to have the space to do it. The space to think will help both of us in the long run. Then you’ll finally see that we don’t belong together, and maybe I’ll be able to let go.

“This is it?” he asks.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“You want to live on your own, and you want to be …friends.”

“If you’re okay with that.” My eyes burn and I want to burst into tears, but I hold it back. He’ll know there’s more to it if I do.

“To be clear, I don’t want you to go, friends or not. But I respect it, and I’ll live with it,” he says.

My heart leaps into my throat.I don’t really want to go either.

I huff. “Thank you.”

“Will you stay here tonight? One last time?” he asks.

I kiss him again, and this time he grabs the back of my head, claiming me as if we haven’t seen each other for years. I moan into his mouth and he growls, nipping my lip.

“Yes, I’ll stay.”

He wraps me in his arms, and I rest my head on his chest, listening to his heart.

When he holds me, it feels like everything will be okay. I desperately want it to be, and it’s because I love him that I have to do this.

I don’t think either of us slept a wink.

On my way to the diner, I keep checking in my rearview mirror, and Ledger is right behind me. Every breath I take feels like my heart cracks and fractures a little more.

He smiled at me. He said, good morning. He made me a cup of coffee, as if I hadn’t rejected him last night. Then he told me he would help me move to my new apartment when I was ready.

Which only serves to prove my point.

My husband is too good for me. He always will be.

I pull into my parking spot, and he stops behind me, waiting for me to get my things. I can feel his eyes on me the entire time I walk up the sidewalk into the diner. Right before I walk in, he waves to me, and I wave back. But instead of something sweet, it feels like I tied myself to a bowling ball and tossed it into a freezing mountain lake.

After my shift is over I call Ledger, wait for him to get here, and follow me home.When I pull into the garage, he waves to me and drives off, back to the station.

I don’t have long to get my things together, but luckily I never had much to begin with.

Chapter 35

Ledger

Iopenthegaragedoor, and Shiloh’s Jeep isn’t here.

Strange, she should be here. I know she didn’t have a shift at the bar.

I grab my thermos and lunch box, heading inside.

Things were quiet with the Kensingtons. We’re waiting for Will to check in first, and he hasn’t. And the thing that stresses me the most is not knowing what they are aware of. They’ve been silent on wiretaps, which doesn’t bode well. So part of waiting is observing because we can’t walk into a trap and make this already risky task even deadlier.