Page 58 of Sword & Shadow
“Don’t be ridiculous.” She knew it came out more brusquely than she’d wanted, but she played off its tenor with a smirk. “You do remember that Rafferty only obtained the Relics because Blount was stupid enough to hold them all himself, don’t you? If we do the same, letting Raff carry them all, it’s asking for trouble. We’re much safer divvying them up.”
Deckard capitalized on her suggestion. “Why didn’t you say so before? That’s an excellent idea. We’ll let Thom and Ethenn each carry one while Rafferty carries the other.”
Evylin huffed. “That doesn’t solve the problem at all.”
“Why not?”
“Because then I can’t protect us with them.”
“So I’ll carry one. If we’re attacked, I can pass it to you in less than a second. Problem solved.”
Seeing her argument failing, Evylin shook her head. “Every second is vital in a fight like that. We can’t risk it.”
“You’re telling me that half a second is going to make or break a fight?”
“It happens all the time.” She sucked in a sharp breath, attempting to slow her breathing. “Think about when I—when I sparred with Ethenn just the other day. He won because I was a fraction slower than him on his parry. If I’d have paid more attention, he wouldn’t have gotten that chance.”
“Evylin—” His voice was thick with emotion, ragged as thoughhewere the one on the cusp of losing something. “You can’t keep it.”
“Why not?” It came out hushed and broken.
He raised a hand to comfort her before thinking better of it. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Evie. But the longer you keep theRelic, the harder it will be when you have to give it up. And I want to protect you from that.”
“Why would I have to give it up?” She already knew that she would, but she’d reasoned with herself that during their mission, she could keep it. And by the time they were done, she’d have enough distance from Hewitt’s death not to need it anymore. For now, she just needed it for a little while longer. Long enough to help her forget.
Seeing Deckard’s knowing stare, Evylin shook her head again, trying to deny it. “I’ll be fine,” she promised. “I just—I’ll carry it a little longer, and I’ll be fine.”
“This isn’t you, Evylin.”
“Yes, it is. It’s more me than I’ve been in weeks.”
Deckard’s look was almost pitying.
Evylin hated it.
“Jonn, I’m fine,” she swore. “I’m myself again. Don’t you want that?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Then let me keep it.”
“I can’t.” He took a step forward, seeming too caught up in emotion to hold himself back. He set his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t you realize what it’s doing to you? You may feel happy, but it’s a lie. And the moment you take that Relic off, you’re going to wind up feeling every bit of pain you’ve been locking away.”
“Then why would you take it from me?”
“Because you either feel it now, or you feel it a month from now. And I’d rather save you from a month’s worth of added heartache if I can.”
Evylin stared up at him, feeling a conflict of fear and comfort within her. She was angry with him, but she also felt drawn to him. She wanted to yell at him, yet she wanted to wrap her arms around his waist and press herself into his embrace. Hergrief warred with the pull of the Day Relic, the truth fighting to emerge victorious under the lies.
Feeling herself beginning to shake from the thought of losing what had become so precious to her, Evylin knew she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t face the pain yet. She needed more time. Even a day would be better than a minute. She just needed a little more time.
“Jonn,” she whispered his name, trying to smile, trying to convince him with a single word that he was wrong.
His hands slid down her arms before dropping away. “I’m sorry, Evylin. You have to give it back.”
“No,” she said flatly.
“Don’t make me do this.”
