Page 171 of Sword & Shadow
Ilain stared at the fire once more. “No. She’s locked in the Deep, her mind gone mad while her body lives on in a state of stasis.”
Thom drew back. “That’s awful.”
“It is.”
“What—how—I mean, is there some way to heal her?”
A bitter grin pulled on Ilain’s lips. “That’s what Auden intends to find out.”
“I see.” Thom scrubbed a hand over his face. What a horrible fate. If that happened to Deckard...
Thom shook his head. “Your family has the most tragic past,” he said, then set a hand on her elbow. “I’m sorry.”
Turning to him, Ilain’s smile became genuine. “We’ve had a happy life too. My parents are well, and they love each other. Vayden found a woman he loves, and they have a daughter, Reyana, who’s thirteen and a total spitfire.”
Thom laughed with her, imagining a teen version of Ilain getting into all kinds of trouble.
“Reyana lives with my parents,” she explained, “as both Vayden and his wife, Isla, work for the Alliance. It keeps them from home a great deal, but Rey understands.”
“So what you’re saying,” Thom leaned closer, his voice lowering conspiratorially, “is that it’s just you who’s left bereft of love.”
Ilain jabbed him in the ribs. “Thank you for the reminder.”
Chuckling, Thom draped his arm around Ilain’s shoulders as he might with his sister, Meria. “Listen here, Highlady Calder: You’ve done this to yourself. There’s a Warrior out there in the forest who worships the ground those pale feet of yours walk on.”
She shuffled her feet under the hem of her skirt.
Thom shook her playfully. “Heavens know what you see in the boy, but if a twenty-year age gap doesn’t bother you, why should a simple misunderstanding?”
Ilain shrugged him off. “Ethenn’s more mature than you sometimes,” she said, then corrected, “Mosttimes.”
Thom let out a good-natured huff. “Why do you think I like to remind him that he’s still a kid?”
Though she continued to smile, she avoided his gaze, remaining silent.
“You could be happy, too, Ilain.”
She looked over at him, a curious glint in her eyes. “And what about you? Could you be happy?”
Every part of Thom rebelled at the thought. No. No, he couldn’t. Not when he was so inferior. Not when he could never measure up. Not when he was unloved. He couldn’t be happy because he wasn’t worthy of happiness.
Yet, all his arguments didn’t seem to hold the same weight they once did.
A frown tugged at his lips. During his time with Ilain, he’d begun to sense a change in his inner voice. That vile disgust, the chastising insecurity—it had begun to lose its sting. Because with every blow to his self-esteem, he heard her lyrical voice in his head.
“People like you; you’re just not willing to see it.”
“I’m under no illusions about your worth.”
“You, Thom Deckard, have a surprisingly tender heart.”
“She’ll make it clear thatyouare the only one she could ever want.”
Taking a deep breath, Thom found that things weren’t quite as simple as they once felt.
Could he someday have a chance at happiness?
“You know,” he replied hopefully, “I think maybe I can. One day.”
