Page 172 of Sword & Shadow
Ilain reached over to squeeze his hand. “Good.”
Thom smiled and returned the gesture. His fingers were still wrapped around Ilain’s when Evylin and Ethenn broke through the trees. In the warmer weather, they’d shed their coats for training, and sweat lined their tunics.
“I’m starving. What’s for—oh.” Evylin stopped. Ethenn also froze at her side.
As one, their gazes dropped to Thom and Ilain’s hands.
Immediately, Thom pulled away. “Grouse,” he said nervously. “We, uh—yeah, it’s the grouse from yesterday. And some barley—the last of the barley, actually. We’re kind of out of everything after that.”
Ilain sent him a flat look. “Stop being weird,” she said, then turned to the Warriors. “It’s all ready. The bowls are there.”
While Evylin and Ethenn retrieved their meals, they continued to eye Thom and Ilain. Ethenn’s jaw was tight, but Evylin’s eyes twinkled with something like...approval? He didn’t like that.
Thom shifted to sit farther away from Ilain. Why was Evylin looking at them like that? She knew the flirtations between them weren’t real. And even if she didn’t, she shouldn’t approve. She should be upset, hurt, maybe even jealous.
“She’ll make it clear thatyouare the only one she could ever want.”
Thom pushed his jealous thoughts aside for the only one that mattered: Evylin wasn’t his. No matter her relationship with Deckard, no matter her reasons for putting distance between them, Ilain was right. If he was ever going to be truly happy with a woman, he had to know without question that she would choosehimover his brother.
Evylin wasn’t that woman.
Ilain wasn’t that woman.
The problem was, he didn’t know if a woman like that even existed. And he wasn’t sure he could live life alone.
Was that the choice? Life alone or life as second best. Either outcome was a brutal reminder of his inferiority. Either was a punch in the gut. Neither was happiness.
Thom looked up from his bowl of roasted grouse and barley cautiously. Ilain had roped the others into a conversation, bringing smiles to both of their faces. Evylin’s dimples showed on her cheeks. The last light of day caught in her eyes. Was she happy? Without Deckard, without Hewitt, was it possible that she’d found happiness again?
A treacherous thought crept to the forefront of Thom’s mind: Was she happy because she was withhim?
Thom shook the thought off. Foolish. Vile. Disloyal. He wouldn’t entertain the notion any longer. If he intended to follow his new inner voice and become a better man, he couldn’t listen to such embittered, covetous thoughts.
“Could you be happy?”
One day, Thom promised himself. One day, he would rise above this deficiency in his soul. He would be a better man, a man worthy of applause and acclaim, a man who held everyone’s respect and admiration. And then, on that day, he would be happy.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
29TH OF CHRONOS, 1574
“Two more days,” Rafferty said, leaping from his horse. He let out a groan and shook his legs. “Two more days, and then we get a break from this torture.”
Deckard grinned, stretching out his own aches and pains from riding for nearly two months straight. Exhaustion like he hadn’t experienced since his earliest days in the army worked through his muscles. He was ready for a rest.
Due to their more direct path through the marshes, their trio would arrive in Loches, where they would reunite with the others, with a day or two to spare. That meant they’d get a full day of recovery and rest before journeying the final fourteen miles to the Time Keep. A luxurious prospect that kept the three men determined to maintain their breakneck pace.
Deckard’s attention was divided, however, since he was eager to speak with Hewitt. They’d crossed the border into Vaura Reach that morning, easily skirting the guards at the gate with Deckard and Auden’s combined power to shroud their small numbers. Within the Reach, there were few travelers and fewer Waulden soldiers, which meant safer travel. And as they were finally free of the marshes’ clutches, they could hunt at last.
Prepared with his excuses, Deckard gathered his supplies. “I’ll set the traps tonight,” he told the men. “You two prepare the camp.”
Rafferty let out a sigh of relief. With only their singular tent, caring for the horses, and Auden’s sovereignty over the meals, it would mean a leisurely evening for the man. “Sounds good, boss,” he said with a salute.
Auden wasn’t so easily convinced. “It isn’t safe to go out alone,” he protested.
“We’ve discussed this before,” Deckard said, keeping his tone calm. “We either leave you alone at the camp, or only one of us goes out to hunt. You told us the Reaches are safer than the kingdom. I’ll be fine.”
Auden shook his head resolutely, but Deckard cut him off before he could argue. “I won’t go far,” he promised.
