Page 188 of Sword & Shadow
A gaspwhooshedout of Evylin.
Foolishly, Thom set his hand on hers, where it rested on her thigh. “Damn the consequences, Evylin,” he whispered. “I love you.”
Instantly, Evylin jerked away. “What?” she spat.
Thom felt his expression harden once more. He sat upright, reaping the consequences he expected. “Don’t look at me like that,” he said harshly. “You knew. You had to know.”
“I didn’t,” Evylin insisted. “I—”
Thom saw it then, the moisture gathering in her eyes. She really hadn’t known.
He scoffed, turning away. “Don’t worry,” he said bitterly. “I’m aware that you don’t return my feelings.”
“He’s your brother,” she breathed.
A dagger plunged into Thom’s stomach. “I know.”
“Why—?” She let the question fall, unasked but still in the air between them.
Thom met her gaze again, forlorn in his deficiency. “Because you’re everything I wanted,” he admitted. “And once more, Jonn took what should have been mine.”
Evylin drew back in contempt.
A self-mocking laugh slipped out of Thom. Yes, she would view him with scorn, as she should. “Do you think I congratulate myself for feeling this way?” he demanded. “Do you think Iwantto feel this way? I’ve spent my life in his shadow. For once, I’d like to have something—someone—of my own. I wish I didn’t feel these things, but I do. I love you. I want to be with you.”
“Thom, stop.”
“It’s too late for that.”
It was true. It was far too late. He’d admitted his frailty and exposed his misdeeds. Now, it was up to her to absolve or condemn him.
“I didn’t dare say anything,” Thom prompted his horse to take a step forward, but she sidled hers away, “to him or to you. Not when I thought it wouldn’t make any difference.”
“And why would it make a difference now?” she asked coldly.
“Because you left him,” Thom said, the words a quiet plea. Then he hardened himself once again. “Or I thought you did.”
Evylin slumped, her gaze diverting.
“You did,” Thom realized. “You left him?”
She confirmed it with her silence.
Thom let out a huff. “Then you’ve rejected us both.”
Evylin sat there, eyes downcast and demeanor morose.
Cautiously, Thom reached out. He brushed back some of the wisps that framed her face. She tensed under his touch. “Whatever the case,” he whispered, “I’m glad you know now. And even if you don’t want me, I will always want you.”
Evylin pulled back sharply, her eyes alight with something like fury. “I could never be with you,” she said, the words stinging like the slash of a sword. “Don’t you understand that? Every time I look at you, I seehim.”
Thom flinched, the admission of the comparison was everything he feared.
“Every time you smile,” she continued, “I see his smile. Every time you laugh, it’s his laugh I hear. Any time you touched me or tried to kiss me—it wouldn’t be you I’d think of. It would always behim.”
Cold desolation seared in Thom’s veins as her last words hissed out. “You could only ever be a shade of him to me.”
Thom clenched his jaw so tight it felt as if it might break. His chest filled with pressure; his eyes welled with emotion. Air struggled to fit into his lungs. But this wasn’t heartbreak he felt. It was rage.
