Page 46 of Colin (The Doherty Mafia)
I allowed myself to entertain the idea that maybe it hadn’t been a stupid mistake after all.
But it was just a joke to her.
She came to New York because she wanted to have some fun and kill time. While I was over there, trying to figure out if she was in the process of changing my life forever—she was just playing a game.
My knuckles turned white when I gripped the gears so hard, swerving in and out of rush hour traffic. I didn’t even hear the horns blaring at me. I just wanted to forget about her. I wished I’d never met her.
Every other chick I ever took, I was the one with the upper hand. But Marley had played me at my own game. She had defeated me and I was a sore loser.
And the more I tried not to think about her, the more I thought about Tina.
The last time I ever felt like this—angry, confused, shattered, heartbroken, was when I lost Tina. And I made a promise to myself that I would never allow myself to be in that position again. I would never be that weak.
Once was enough. I’d learned my lesson.
But apparently not.
Marley forced me to drop my guards. She made me see what a different life could look like and I fell for it.
I had an excuse for falling for Tina—I was very young. I was naive. I was an idiot.
What excuse did I have for falling for Marley?
When Marley told me her parents died in a car accident, my mind went to a dark place because I remembered reading the details of the accident that killed Tina.
My father acquired the police report that had been drawn up for her and handed it to me. I wanted to read it. I needed to know exactly what happened.
It was Tina driving the car, on her way back from spending the day with her grandparents. I knew she was coming to see me because that was what she told me over the phone.
In fact, when the phone rang in the house that day, I expected it to be Tina, calling to say she had stopped by her parents’ house or something and that she would come over to see me shortly.
But in reality, on the way, the car had spun out of her control and crashed into a tree.
That was it.
Tina was gone.
Just the way my mother was gone.
Every woman who had meant anything to me in my life had been brutally and violently taken away from me.
And the common factor between those two women—was me. So, I had to be the cause for it. That was the only explanation I could come up with in all the years.
And that was the reason why I could never get close to someone else. And the truth was—I had never been tempted either. No other chick matched up to the two people I had put on a pedestal.
That was until I met Marley.
She wasn’t like anyone else I met before. She was so far beyond the memories I had of my mother and Tina, that I wasn’t thinking straight.
Marley was the first person I allowed myself to get close to again. The first person I thought I could open up to again. A woman I could trust.
But I was wrong.
There was something wrong with me.
And it was probably for the best for Marley’s own safety that we stayed away from each other.
Who knew what disastrous end I would bring upon her if she spent another minute with me.
I allowed myself to get carried away for a few days. I got so wrapped up in the fun we were having, in how good it felt to have her in my bed—that I thought maybe things had changed. That maybe I could have a relationship after all. That maybe the curse was broken.
But who was I kidding?
I swerved manically until I was off the road, and stopped my bike abruptly before jumping off. I had no idea where I was but I had to make a phone call. Cars whizzed past me, with engines roaring in my ears. I liked the noise. It dulled my senses. I didn’t know if I could return to the apartment after this.
“Yeah, it’s Colin,” I said when the phone was answered.
It was the family lawyer. I should have made this call a long time ago. The moment I saw the ring on my finger.
“I need you to fix a problem, and I need it done as fast as fuckin’ possible,” I said.
I looked up at the sun—stared right at it even though it felt like it burnt my eyes. I just wanted to feel the pain for a moment, to scorch the memory of Marley out of my brain.
Twenty-Five
Marley
I knew I needed to leave his apartment. I couldn’t stay there anymore. The walls were closing in on me.
