Page 45 of Colin (The Doherty Mafia)
For a man who didn’t give a shit about me?
For a stranger I didn’t even know?
For a guy who was a criminal, who belonged to a criminal family?
What was wrong with me?
I could hear Colin in the kitchen as he cracked eggs into sizzling hot pans. He was still whistling happily, like he didn’t have a care in the world.
I didn’t like feeling this vulnerable. I didn’t like wanting this illusion we had created for ourselves. This relationship wasn’t real. This marriage was a mistake. He didn’t actually care about me.
The dress, the shoes, the restaurant—it was all a means to an end. To get me in his bed for another night.
And now, I was boiling over. I didn’t know who I was more mad at—at Colin for using me, or at myself for falling for it.
Just as promised, Colin brought over a tray of food along with a large mug of coffee.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t have any of the fancy stuff you’re used to, but it’s hot and strong,” he said, pointing to the coffee on the tray.
He bounced into bed beside me, placing the tray between us, expecting me to be as excited about the food as he was.
There were fried eggs, sausages, buttered toast and coffee. Pretty impressive for a guy who didn’t furnish his loft because he didn’t give a damn.
While Colin started eating, I didn’t touch the food. I couldn’t bring myself to. I wasn’t hungry and was too tired and pissed off with the world.
“What’s the matter? You don’t eat meat or something?” he said with a laugh. He knew it wasn’t true. He’d seen me eating meat already.
“Have you spoken to your lawyers?” I blurted before I could stop myself.
Colin narrowed his eyes, looking a little surprised.
“About the annulment. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. You said you’ll look into it as soon as you got back. It’s been a couple of days, I haven’t seen any documents I have to sign.”
He put down the toast that was in his hand and wiped his mouth with the back of his arm.
“No, I haven’t spoken to the guys yet, but I’ll get on it. I’ve been…busy.”
His tone had changed. I could sense he was annoyed.
I rolled my eyes.
“And you won’t even tell me what you’re busy with,” I snapped.
“I can’t talk to you about the business, you know that already.”
“Yeah, whatever, just talk to your lawyers then.”
“Why? What’s the fuckin’ rush? You said it yourself, you have nothing to go back to,” he said.
I stared at him with my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t believe he actually said that. After all my honesty, he was going to use my own story against me?
He saw it in my eyes and got out of bed—choosing to not be near me anymore.
I was still too shocked to say anything as he dressed himself.
But eventually, I managed to find the words to express myself but I was all choked up.
“What makes you think I have nothing to go back to? Just because I lost my job and my parents are dead—you’ve decided my life isn’t my own? That you can just do what you want with me?” My voice was a deep hiss. Colin refused to even look at me as he buttoned up a shirt.
My chest heaved as I tried to hold back the tears.
This was exactly the reason why I never opened up to people. This was why I could never trust anyone with the truths about me.
Colin was leaving. He was just about to walk out of the apartment. But he stopped to say one last thing to me.
“Why don’t you try being honest with yourself for once, Marley? You’re the one piggybacking on my life. You’re the one who suggested coming here to New York with me because you didn’t want to be in Las Vegas by yourself. I’m not the one using you. You’re the one who doesn’t have anything better to do.”
After that, he was gone and I knew there was no point trying to stop him.
Twenty-Four
Colin
I got on my bike and decided to just drive. I just wanted to keep riding until I had nowhere else to go. Until I had forgotten about Marley and the way she had looked at me—like she couldn’t believe she had woken up beside me. Again.
The previous night was perfect. I thought I had done all the right things. I thought we had a great time and we fell asleep in each other’s arms. But she woke up with the sudden realization that too much time had passed. She was bored of me. She had no use for me anymore.
What was I thinking?
Why did I allow myself to slip into a place of comfort with her?
I was the idiot. It hadn’t even been a week, and somehow, I’d managed to convince myself it could mean something. Just because we were having fun, and just because my family had warmed to her—I thought Marley and I could actually make the marriage work.
