Page 139 of Guarding Over You
“You’ve never said that,” Billy said, his head snapping up. “I’m trying.”
“I know you are. I’m telling you now. I want us to get to a place where there is a normal drop-off. Where you don’t get worked up seeing me and I don’t have the same problem. I’ve had enough excitement in my life.”
“It’s not going to happen again,” he said, reaching for her hand under the table to hold. “I’ve got her and I’ll continue to have her and Gracie. I understand what you’re going through, Billy. From a medical standpoint. But you’re clean now. I’m going to be watching. And every time you slip and treat her like shit, I’m going to call you out on it. I don’t think you want me for an enemy.”
Billy let out a sigh. “I don’t wantanyenemies. I just want to spend time with my daughter without having witnesses all the time.”
“Because you have to be on your best behavior?” she asked.
Billy looked her in the eye, his face flush, his voice lower, almost remorseful. “I am. I’m doing the best I can, but it’s stressful. Do you know how hard it is to not even slip and swear in front of Gracie? A simple word that I’m sure she’s heardbefore, but I get happy or excited around her when she’s happy and excited. Every move I make is watched over. You have no idea what it’s like.” He put his hand up. “And I get it. I brought it on myself and I have to accept those consequences. But when is it enough?”
Her bleeding heart wanted to cave. Wanted to give in to him.
But this was her daughter.
That guilt that Billy talked about earlier. She lived with it also. For staying as long as she had.
For putting her daughter through unnecessary stress and emotional distress.
“You think I don’t ask myself the same things? If I’d left you earlier. If I didn’t keep giving you more chances. Maybe none of this would have escalated and we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“I told you, Billy. You’re not alone,” Tina said. “My parents’ marriage ended because of my brother’s addiction. They blamed each other and themselves. Then my brother blamed himself. I can’t live like that. I lived in a household most of my life where everyone walked on eggshells. While they were blaming each other, they weren’t helping Troy. I don’t know where things are going to go with me and Billy, just like you don’t with you and Blaze, but it’d be nice if a good foundation could be built here.”
“Sounds like you should be the one with the social worker background,” she said. “I agree with everything you’ve said. I want to come together because of Gracie. I think she’d really like you.”
“Do you?” Tina asked, her eyes all sappy.
“Yeah. I do. I’ll let Julie and my attorney know that I’m okay with you being there for one of the visits. I’m not sure if it can be next Saturday or not. That’s out of my hands, but I’ll make the call on Monday.”
“Thanks,” Billy said. “I appreciate that.” Billy turned to Blaze. “But I’m not going to allow you to get between me and mydaughter or Arden. There is a place for you and Tina and you’ve got to let Arden and I work this out.”
He looked as if he was going to argue, but she pressed on his hand to keep him silent.
“I can agree to that,” she said. “Within reason. We all have to work on it. You included, Billy.”
Their food was brought out, they ate, talked some more without forcing too much of the conversation and went on their way.
“Thanks,” she said to Blaze. “I know that was hard for you.”
He snorted. “You don’t know the half of it. Is that how he talked to you all the time?”
“Usually. He was right, he swore at me a lot and I let it go. It was on me. He was immature and then the addiction fed it. I can see he’s trying. He’s not going to change completely who he is. He’s not going to be someone he’s not comfortable with.”
“No,” he said. “And as much as I want to say I don’t like that around Gracie, I can’t. It’s not my call.”
She turned to him in the SUV on the drive to pick up her daughter at her parents’ house. “No. It’s not. But I appreciate everything you said today. He will be watched for a long time. I have to remind myself that how we act in front of adults versus Gracie is different and he’s doing the same.”
“True. You’re positive he can do it?”
“I’m not positive of anything, but he’s trying and Gracie is happy right now. At the first sign that she’s not, we’ll address it.” She reached for his hand on the seat next to him. “I hate saying that and shouldn’t even feel guilty doing it, but I like Tina.”
“She’s got her act together. Unless she’s putting on a show.”
“I don’t think so. You can’t fake that. She was giving Billy a hard time like I used to, but in a different way. He listened to her like he didn’t me.”
“Sometimes people act differently the second time around for fear of losing something again.”
“I think you’re right,” she said softly. “I want him happy so that Gracie can see that side of her father. If for no other reason than that. I want to be selfish, to have my daughter to myself, but I can’t. It’s not right. And if I were in his shoes, I’d fight it too. The fact that he is tells me he loves her. I’ve never doubted that.”
