Page 138 of Guarding Over You
“Addiction comes in many forms,” Blaze said. “I don’t need to tell you one is a gateway to the other.”
“Exactly what I said,” Tina said, reaching for Billy’s hand.
Her ex never held her hand. Not once. Not even early on when they were dating. But Billy threaded his fingers through Tina’s and grasped her tight as if it was his lifeline.
Since she felt the same way about Blaze, there wasn’t much she could say.
“Arden, I’m not going to change who I am,” Billy said. “We didn’t work for a lot of reasons. Both of us are at fault.”
She turned when she felt the vibration coming off of Blaze. “We both made mistakes.”
“Me more than you,” Billy said. “I get it. I’m not here to fight.”
She sighed, the tension leaving her shoulders. This conversation had to be done. They had to all find a way to move forward.
“I don’t want to fight anymore. I just can’t. I’ve seen a change in you in the past month or more, even with your anger over my accusations. I was in a bad spot and it wasn’t you.”
“But you thought it was and that’s rough for me to handle,” Billy said, crossing his arms.
“Listen, I know you don’t know me,” Tina said. “I want to change that. Billy was angry because he was struggling to not take the edge off. I saw the signs and we got through it. I can handle it. I’ve been doing it with my brother for years. Billy is going to support groups. The same as my brother. They’ve got each other right now too.”
“I’m glad he’s got others he can lean on.” Because he never really had his parents in the past few years. And Billy obviously didn’t feel she was one he could go to.
She’d have to accept that burn to her pride also.
They just weren’t meant to work. But if Billy found the happiness she had with Blaze, then she could be happy for her ex.
“It’s a work in progress. I know you’re aware that relapses happen,” Tina said.
“I am. I expected it. He’d proven time and again that alcohol wasn’t so much the addiction but it’s the way he acted when he drank. And he drank a lot toward the end.”
“To get through our failed marriage. You were a bitch,” Billy said.
Blaze’s hand came on the table. “Don’t,” he snarled. “Everyone is here trying and yet you still fall back on talking to her that way. That’s one thing that isnotgoing to fly whether or not I’m around.”
“Blaze is right, Billy. I can only make so many excuses for you,” Tina said, her glare ready to drill Billy a new asshole. She turned back across the table. “He’s nervous and has no reason to be. I should be nervous and I’m not. Right, Billy?”
“I don’t want you taking Gracie from me,” Billy forced out through his clenched teeth. Tina was rubbing his arm. “I want to see her more. I want her without supervision. You’ve seen us together. She’s not afraid of me. You think I don’t live with the guilt of what I put her through, Arden?”
“I don’t know, Billy. When you talk to me like this, it just brings it all back.”
“I always talked to you like that. Before the addiction. It was just the way I was,” Billy argued, but the tension left him, his voice lowered like it always did when it was pointed out to him.
“Which doesn’t make it right,” Blaze said. “Be respectful. Whether it’s to the mother of your child or your new girlfriend. Set an example for your daughter. Do you want her to think that’s acceptable behavior from a man in her life? Do you want her to be with someone who talks to her that way?”
Billy’s face turned several shades of red. She couldn’t have said it any better. If the words had come out of her mouth, Billy would have fought back and found a way to blame her.
“No, he doesn’t,” Tina said. “And the first time he told me I was acting like a bitch, I turned my back on him and walked away.”
“Billy doesn’t like that,” she said.
“That’s right. I don’t engage. I know you did that to him also,” Tina said. “He told me. But I explained how it made me feel and when he was calm enough to talk, we’d do it.”
All the things she’d done too that hadn’t worked.
She didn’t want to predict her ex’s relationship. She didn’t have the energy to get there.
The server came over and they all placed their food orders, let their minds reset, then she started, “For Gracie’s sake, I want us to get along, Billy. We don’t have to be friends. We don’t have to even like each other. I just want us to be respectful. She is having fun with you. She talks about going to see you and when she comes home goes on for hours about the fun she had.”
