Page 159 of Dream House
Here goes nothing. I sigh. “I fell in love with him.”
Her amber eyes widen.
“No.” I shake my head, needing to speak the truth. “IrealizedI’d fallen in love with him.”
“And you told him?” Her eyes are still bugging out.
“Of course not!”
Pen blinks. “Then what happened?”
“We…” I don’t think I can put into words what that night meant. And I don’t think I’d want to if I could. Jesus, when I think about what I showed him—
“We shared something. And I got the wrong idea.”
She frowns. “How so?”
I press my lips together. When I speak, my voice is tight and raspy, but I get through it. “I thought we’d wake up together Sunday morning, and come out here as a couple.” I swallow against the sailor’s knot in my throat. “Instead, I woke up alone.”
The soft way her brows draw together, I know she’s hurting for me, and I have to look away.
“At first I thought I’d just woken up to find that he’d gone up to change or brush his teeth or start coffee,” I say, shrugging. I don’t want to feel again the slow sinking, the unwelcome dawning of disappointment.
And the humiliation. My God, I couldn’t bear it.
“When he didn’t come back, and there was just radio silence… When I knew it couldn’t have meant to him what it meant to me—” My voice catches. I make myself meet Pen’s eyes, and I know she understands.
She presses her lips together. “I feel responsible.”
“You’re not,” I insist.
“I practically launched y’all together.”
I shake my head. “No, you didn’t. We were drawn together from the start.” I fill my lungs and exhale slowly through the ache in my chest. “You were right. And the Tarot was right—”
“Of course the Tarot was right,” Pen blurts incredulously.
It almost makes me laugh. Almost. “I mean that it was time to take a real chance with my heart.”
Her soft frown is all concern. “Even if your heart gets broken?”
I shrug. It feels like it’s breaking already. I’m not a fan. But what I’ve felt for Lark is bigger than what I’ve allowed myself to feel for any other man.
And what if there’s a man out there that I could share that with for more than a couple of stolen nights?
What if thereissomeone who will want to wake up with me not just the morning after, but every morning?
I can’t help it. I picture Lark in that role, and the pain is searing, but if it’s not him, maybe I’m ready to try to find out who it might be.
“Maybe it’s about time my heart got broken.” I shrug again. “Maybe the cracks will be big enough for someone else to find his way in.”
Pen presses her lips together and nods, but the glint in her amber eyes has me bracing. “That’s hopelessly cheesy,” she says, still nodding. “But you’re right.”
I try to swat her, but Pen is quick and dances away, laughing.
And now, I do laugh. A little. Then my eyes fill with tears. Because I don’t want someone else to find his way in.
I want Lark.
