Page 37 of In Every Lifetime
I did my best to school my expression. While I was a shit liar, I had been working as a psychologist for years. No one could beat my poker face. I forced a smile to my face and eyes to reassure him. “Oh, that was nothing serious at all. I don’t even remember what we were squabbling about. I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
His smile dropped the slightest bit at the corner of his mouth, his eyes narrowing. It was nearly imperceivable… nearly. “I’m glad to hear that. You two seem really great together. I know you’re not together…” He trailed off, leaning back in his chair. “Are you?”
I shook my head, keeping that same easy smile on my face and my body steady, as if I weren’t nervous. As if I didn’t want to jump out of my skin. “No, not anymore. But he’ll always mean a great deal to me. I have a feeling we’ll be in each other’s lives forever.”
“You two took the whole ‘til death do you part thing seriously, didn’t you?” His tone was teasing.
I laughed lightly and sipped my coffee as I thought of how to answer. Fai was right not to want to jump to conclusions. This was his brother, of course he wanted to see the best in him.
But I was right too, to be skeptical. Fai was here to meet Gabriel. I was here to support Fai, and make sure Gabriel had good intentions.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked, setting my mug down on the coffee table.
He nodded and gestured for me to continue.
“First, I need to be honest with you,” I began. After over a decade of working with the best manipulators, charmers, andliars, I learned some skills for myself, including the art of manipulation. Vulnerability was disarming. Confessing a wrong made the other person perceive you as open, and opened them in return. It was a risk, but a calculated one.
“When I went into your office, I noticed something on your desk.” The light in his eyes dimmed, but his smile stayed plastered. “I didn’t read closely, but it made me wonder—”
“What did you see?” His voice was clipped. Not angrily, but as though he were keeping words on the tip of his tongue and holding them in.
“Nothing really.” I wasn’t going to answer. If he didn't know exactly what I had seen, he couldn't tailor a lie to fit it. “But I have to ask, did you hire a private investigator, or did you find us yourself?”
He ran his tongue along his teeth as he contemplated the question. He had two routes he could go: he could press me on exactly what I saw and base his answer on that, or he could answer based on what he thought I saw. I could see the moment he went for option two. His shoulders dropped just slightly, his gaze dipping for a fraction of a second.
“I found you,” he confessed.
A part of me wanted to drag Fai out here and yell I told you so, but the logical side of me wanted to know why. Especially, why lie? He didn’t gain anything from saying he used a private investigator, except the potential that we find out it was a lie.
“Why did you say it was a private investigator?”
He swallowed deeply and stood, picking both of our mugs off the coffee table. “Any chance you would be willing to talk outside?” he asked, glancing toward the room where Fai still slept.
I nodded and motioned towards the back door that led to the porch. He walked in front of me slowly, his shoulders still slumped. I grabbed the blanket from the couch, bringing itwith me as I stepped into the cool Montana morning air. There were a few Adirondack chairs placed on the back porch, facing the treeline. I took one closer to the door, settling the blanket around me and wrapping my hands around my coffee mug after Gabriel handed it over.
“I’m sorry to make you sit in the cold,” he spoke quietly, his gaze trained on the trees. “I… I’m worried about what Fai will say when he finds out.” His eyes moved to me. “I have a feeling even if I ask you not to, you’re going to tell him?”
I nodded. “We don’t keep secrets between us.” At least not major secrets like this… my fake boyfriend was a different matter in its entirety.
He took a deep breath, leaning back in the chair, his head falling to the wooden boards and turning to me. His green eyes glowed in the morning light. He was objectively attractive. But I found myself drawn to the warmth brown eyes offered when they looked at you with nothing but adoration.
“It was a stupid lie, I know. I just… I was nervous about how you would react if you knew the extent I went to to find you two.”
“Why would he care?” I asked, perplexed.
Gabriel shrugged. “The whole search was over a couple of years. It was deep and intense, and the few friends I did have left thought I had lost my mind,” he explained, his tone growing weary. “I did lose my mind a bit when my mom died. My dad was never around, my mom was all I had, and one day she was just gone. When I started looking for Fai, I was pouring all my grief into the search. I lost myself in it.”
It was difficult not to notice the parallels. The two of them hadn't been raised together, and yet here was the same pattern, the same tendency to turn inward and disappear into something consuming. Nature, it seemed, had a longer reach than nurture.
“When I did finally find you two and worked up the courage to write Fai, I was nervous I would scare him off… so I came up with a stupid lie to make it easier for me.”
I held back a laugh that would have required too much explaining. I was hardly in a position to judge anyone for a lie told out of self-protection. His was the fake private investigator, mine being my fake boyfriend.
“I really am sorry for the lie,” Gabriel spoke sincerely. “I never meant to make anyone uncomfortable.”
“Thank you for telling the truth now.” I glanced back into the cabin briefly before turning back to Gabriel. “You should tell Fai.”
“Will he think less of me?” Gabriel asked with a mix of worry and curiosity.
I shook my head. “Never. The thing about Fai, he’s lived enough and seen enough in his years to never judge a person based on their worst mistakes. Not that this is your worst mistake,” I teased lightly. “What I’m trying to explain is that it won’t bother him. He just wants to get to know you.”
“That’s all I want too,” Gabriel spoke softly, his demeanor relaxing once again. “I want to know everything I can about him.”
“Well, I think I know him better than he knows himself half the time. What do you want to know? Let’s see if I can answer some of your questions.” I offered with a smile.
Gabriel lit up at the idea and started asking away. We spent a couple of hours talking about Fai and his history. He seemed to truly just want to know his brother better. I was beginning to see that my reservations about Gabriel, while justified initially, had been inflated. Now that the truth was on the table, I could see him for who he truly was. A man who simply wanted to get to know Fai better.
