Page 81 of What If We Break?
“Reece,” I said, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice. “We need to focus. We can’t afford to slip up. Second place is painful enough as it is, we don’t need to sinkevenlower.”
He glanced up, his eyebrows furrowing in annoyance. “I know, I know. I can’t help it, okay? You know that I have a meeting with Anthony tomorrow. He’s probably going to tell me the same things Pike did: that I have to focus on hockey or else not a single team will want to draft me. Or that he’s sick of being my agent. Do you know what happens when he quits? I won’t have an agent. Do you have any idea how important agents are for hockey players? My chances of getting drafted without him are far too slim to even thinkabout him walking away from me. And he’s already my second agent.”
I bit back a response, the words hanging unspoken in the chilly air. I understood his fears, his ambitions, and his dreams of making it big in the hockey world. Following after his brother had been his goal forever.
But what aboutmydream?
Hepromised.
What about the countless hours we’d already spent perfecting our routine, pushing ourselves to the limit, only to fall short time and time again?
And especially today, I told Reece to go to his game. I would’ve followed him like always when they played in a different city or state. He was the one to insist we practice more for figure skating.
“It’s just practice anyway,” he added and finally laid his phone on the bench. “Be glad I’m here.”
My hands balled into fists, anger flooding my bloodstream but I bit back any of the bad words lingering in my mind. With a resigned sigh, I got up and stepped onto the ice. The familiar chill sept through the fabric of my clothes, and suddenly, I wished I hadn’t left my jacket on the bench.
Sure, I could’ve gone back to get it, but I was a little afraid that Reece would laugh at me. Maybe he thought I was stupid for forgetting it because I should’ve known better by now.
Reece followed me onto the ice, his movements mechanical, lacking fire. If this was hockey practice, he would’ve been lighting up the entire arena with his enthusiasm.
As he stopped in front of me and looked at my arms, his eyes rolled. “No jacket today?”
I was going to shake my head, embarrassed to admit that I forgot to put it on, but when my gaze fell and I caught aglimpse of my hands, I remembered that Reece and I were supposed to be a team. He was still my fiancé. I shouldn’t have been embarrassed to make a mistake in front of him.
So, I took a breath and said, “I left it on the bench and only just realized.”
He chuckled slightly, but not in a condescending way. “Do you want me to get it for you?”
See, Brooke, everything’s fine. It’s just the chemicals in your brain acting up again.
“You don’t have to, but thank you.”
Reece smiled at me, then skated off to get my jacket.
Once Reece was back with my jacket and I was finally freezing a little less, we started with our basic warm-up routine, gliding across the ice in what used to be perfect harmony just a couple of weeks ago.
It might’ve looked flawless, but beneath the surface, the perfect harmony was fractured. Each movement was marked by unspoken tension. With every move, I could feel Reece’s frustration simmering just below the surface, a volatile energy threatening to erupt at any moment.
As we were about to move into our first set of jumps, I stopped abruptly. I looked at Reece, defeated by his unwillingness to take this seriously tonight.
“Honestly, Reece, if you’re not even going to put effort into this, why bother showing up at all?”
“Well, I’m sorry that I have a bunch of shit to worry about,” he said, his voice harsher than usual. “I’m skipping an important game to be here. I’m messing with my career to be here. I’m trying to push myself beyond my abilities to get that stupid first place for you. What else do you want me to do?”
“Because it was me who forced you to do all this, right? I begged you to be my partner, hadn’t I? Every morning I wakeup just to ruin your stupid ice hockey career, don’t I?” My eyes rolled without my permission.
“Brooke, that’s not what I?—”
“Just forget it!” Tears were building up in my eyes, blurring my vision so hard I could barely even make out Reece’s facial features. “If you’re too busy worrying about your precious hockey career to care about being mentally present during our practice, which you insisted on, then just leave. I get it, hockey is important to you. You deserve to be out there with the pros one day, and I really,reallyhope you get there someday. I’m sorry that figure skating, something youvolunteeredto do, is taking you away from the one thing you truly love in life. I gave you the option to go to your game tonight, but you said no. That’s not on me. So now you don’t get to be mad at me for ruining your career whenyouare the one who’s making all these decisions. Yet somehow, you don’t even bother to see that, do you?”
“Brooke—“
“If my presence in your life and my dreams are causing you so much trouble, why don’t you just leave me?!”
“Woah there,” Reece said, suddenly laying his hands on my shoulders. I didn’t even notice him getting closer. “I know this is your anxiety talking mixed with the pressure of needing to succeed, but you saying this hurts anyway, okay? YouknowI love you. And you know I care about you and your dreams. And you know that your presence in my life is the best that’s ever happened to me. Just because I have a bad day, week, or even month doesnotmean I no longer want to be with you, okay?”
Only now did it really dawn on me what I had said. Yes, I heard myself speak, but I couldn’t control what came out of me before it did.
