Page 152 of Lau Ahi
Who the hell am I about to marry?
“Yeah. I like the fact that you’re…you. If you were some model of perfection mentally then we would make each other miserable. You would feel as though I were a threat and I would have to walk around here on eggshells.”
“So you like that I’m damaged?” The acceptance was nice but still stung somehow. I guess every woman wanted her partner, arranged or not, to think of them as perfect.
“I like that you’re a survivor. I don’t think you think you’re damaged; that’s the way you describe yourself to get people off your back. To have them unnerved and unwillingly press you because you don’t want to express yourself. It’s how you intimidate them, by pretending you’re weak.”
“There you go again thinking you know me.” I was battling a smile because his words made me feel good.
“I’m learning. I’m thankful that you’re not running scared at the sight of me. That my moodiness doesn’t bother you. That my dick having piercings isn’t something that makes you frown up. That my dick in general hasn’t sent you screaming. Well, he’s made you scream and cream but in a good way.”
My eyes rolled but I couldn’t help but smile. “Every inch the arrogant man I thought you were when we met.”
“But you know what the difference is between now and thenKa’iulani?”
“What’s that?”
He leaned forward removing his long legs from the sofa as if he were ready to pounce on me.
“You know I’m arrogant because every single thing I say or do I can more than back up.” The heat flared between the two of us again and I had to wonder if the attraction we felt would ever dim once we got used to each other. After living together for this amount of time, things only seemed to burn brighter. Hotter than before.
Lord, I’m in serious trouble.
ORI
“I might not be able to have children.”
All the levity of our interaction ceased with her words.
“Okay.”
She stood up from the arm of the sofa putting physical distance between us just like her confession forced emotional distance. “Okay? Isn’t this what this is all about? Legacy? Family? Survival?”
“This isn’t about any of that for me.” I lay back on the leather of the sofa allowing her the space she seemed to crave.
“Then what is it? Surely your grandfather or the other members wouldn’t want you to be married to a woman who was barren.”
“I’m not trying to be ugly but you realize you’re not the deciding factor in this, right?”
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What does that mean? I’m going to be your wife.”
I nodded slowly, buying myself time to find the right words so this wasn’t so harsh. “You are. But it’s not your bloodline that would need to be preserved; it’s mine. You’re speaking ofbirthing my legacy, my family. If you’re not capable of doing that, there are other ways to ensure that happens.”
“With or without me.” Her accent was crisp even more of a sign that my words had stung.
“Yes. With or without you.”
Her look could only be described as heartbroken because she’d immediately thought the worst of me. “Wow, it’s that simple for you then.”
A statement. One that was infused with strength to protect the wound I’d made into her armor.
“Yes. That’s the black and white reality of the situation.”
I knew I’d pissed her off. My words were just another mark against men that a woman was only as useful as what they could provide for his benefit. Not just the invisible labor of a household but the physical labor of legacy. She was disgusted and more than anything disappointed.
And that ate at me.
“Well, I guess the deal is off then.”
