Page 150 of Lau Ahi
“You’ve always been close by keeping him safe.”
She smiled at my conclusion instead of being afraid of it. “You really are a genius aren’t you?”
“Not a genius. But I know what a mother’s love is supposed to look like. I’ve seen it among my friend and she’s a new mother. With how fondly you speak of him, I couldn’t fathom how you could stay away. It didn’t seem to be in you. And when you spoke just now it dawned on me: you didn’t stay away. Youmight have kept your distance but you were never gone. At least not completely. Whether you think so or not, I think he would appreciate knowing that.”
Her face showed she felt I was off the mark this time. “And have him hate me more?”
“It’s better to take the risk don’t you think? All the time you talked about the woman you wanted to become, you’re back. Are you her yet?”
It was impertinent but I wasn’t going to advocate for Ori without taking Faith into account. If she couldn’t be who he needed I wanted to know.
“Some days. And then others, I still feel like I don’t know who I am.” This had to be far more painful for her to admit to me and to herself. It would’ve been easier to lie.
“I still think it’s only fair that he knows. As much as I am not one to meddle or give advice on family situations especially when you can plainly see how dire mine are. I think part of him needs that. Needs to know that you didn’t walk away to go live abroad. Shop and engage in vapid activities as a way to make yourself forget that you had a son. If he knew the reasons and that he was always a priority even in the execution of your absence it would heal some part of him even though he doesn’t think so.” I finished pulling on the linen dress I’d worn here, hoping she’d agree.
“It’s been so long—”
“His age doesn’t matter. The length of time doesn’t matter. Children, no matter their age, are never too old to hear a parent apologize. To explain their actions right or wrong. Because no matter what they internalize that shit as some type of failing on their part. Children need to know their parents love them, no matter how old they are.” I gave her hand a squeeze and she looked contemplative briefly before she spoke.
“Is that what you need from her?”
I laughed as I looped my arm through hers to exit the dressing area. “My egg donor is a different woman than you are. I know the reasons for her feelings or lack thereof toward me. They are as vapid and superficial as she is. So there won’t be a healing conversation that comes with her. Just more of her nonsense that would fill me with regret for engaging. Which is why I choose not to.”
“You let her rant and let the world see who the village idiot is.”
“More or less. Some already know and think it’s easier to let hatred be spewed than to debate it. They, like me, know that her mind will never change. So why argue with a madwoman?”
“That makes me sad for you, Asha.”
“Don’t be sad. I’m extremely blessed, despite how it all seems. Things could be so much worse than they are. So don’t cry for me, Faith. I’m fine. Besides, you’re here. You seem like you’re up for the challenge.” It was an olive branch. One that let her know the openers for a bond with her was there if she wanted it. I’d opened myself up to so many new people since the start of the new year that I was unsure of who I was anymore. And part of me felt as though my behavior was an improvement over how I’d been before. She smiled and gave my arm a squeeze.
“More than you know.”
The rest of the appointment went well. The attendants were dressed in bright colors that seemed like a rainbow and I loved it all. I was unsure about the theme of the wedding since I hadn’t planned any of it. The only resistance was with Faith. She wore a deep champagne gold formal gown with an elaborate network of straps across her chest that gathered at her shoulders and then made two braided straps that stopped at the middle of her back. I thought it was beautiful and she felt like it might be too much. It took Babette to convince her that the dress was fine and she didn’t have to shrink herself. I wasn’t sure if the two of them had ever been close, but Faith seemed to listen to her advice because she purchased the dress without further hesitation. We got the rest of the women settled and then mapped out how we would work the wedding day over a catered lunch at one of the Franklin family restaurants. We were fortunate that we didn’t have to worry about people getting off work or having a problem with traveling. Everyone worked for the families or for themselves so once we had the date they locked it in. I was again grateful to Midas and Nev who had a place for us to hold this. Not that I was excited, it just made this easier to get on with so I was no longer a damn spectacle.
Liar.
They were closing down their boutique hotel, which was an equestrian’s dream with large pastures, upscale barns as meeting places and a place to board horses if one desired. From the pictures alone, I was impressed and it was less than an hour away, which made travel better for everyone coming in. Only the bridal party and family would be staying on the premises but another Warren property was being rented out less than half an hour away and luxury charter buses provided to bring people to the venue. Nev and Jada had been working hand in hand with Sasha providing input on certain cultural aspects. Seeing my friends who were family get along well with the new peoplewho claimed me made me feel as though things were going to be okay. I’d made it home to find Ori reading in the library with his long body stretched out on the leather sofa. His hair was down, glasses on his face looking every inch the gentleman.
“Was she there?”
He asked without apprehension, and it was clear that progress between the two of them had been made. Could almost feel the way he was undecided no matter what the answer to the question he hated himself for asking was.
“She was.”
I wanted to reveal everything I’d discussed with Faith but I didn’t want to overstep it wasn’t my place to tell him anything that had gone on and I felt like I’d be cheating her out of the chance to make things right if I did.
“Nobody got out of hand or anything, right? Everything still on track?”
“Why, Mr. Nakoa, it almost seems as though you’re eager to get me down the aisle.”
A ghost of a smile shadowed his face and I knew it was involuntary. Somehow that made it endearing, which only irritated me. I didn’t want him to respond with kindness but it was my fault for even making the joke to begin with. We’d settled into this space of camaraderie. We worked together and occasionally Ori used his tongue to make me cum. I was still hesitant around him wondering when he was going to pull back from me again. I was no better because guarding myself was second nature. But my actions should’ve shown far more than my words ever did.
Shit was troubling the hell out of me.
“I wouldn’t have said yes to any of this if I wasn’t going to see it through.”
“I understand you’re a man of your word, that I never doubted. It’s the eagerness that’s confusing me.”
