Page 50 of Hours to Kill
He turned to Addy. “You’re cleared to come out as far as this chair. Not another step. Okay?”
She nodded but didn’t seem as if she liked it. Tough. He wasn’t going to risk her life.
She sat in the chair, and Bear lay over her feet as if he knew she was in danger. She lifted her face to the sun and took long, cleansing breaths.
Her phone rang, and concern marred the peaceful expression. She quickly dug it from her jeans pocket—jeans that fit her like a glove, emphasizing her curves, something he couldn’t help but notice when he’d trailed her up the steps. And he knew those curves well.
He shook off the thought and looked back at the ravine below while she talked. From what she was saying, he gathered it was the hypnosis-therapy doctor for her memory loss. She was trying to get him to come to the house, but he didn’t seem willing.
“Then we’ll go with today,” she said firmly. “Four o’clock, your office. And thank you for squeezing me in. I sure hope this works.”
Mack tightened his hands on the coarse wood railing. He didn’t appreciate her agreeing to an appointment without first checking logistics with him. He wanted to spin around and tell her as much, but he needed to cool it. He was the one with the problem, not her. Her life hung in the balance, and she could make an appointment if she wanted to.
He took a few deep breaths, then turned and leaned against the railing, crossing his ankles to make it seem as if he was relaxed. He studied her face. Her expression held a mix of hope and apprehension.
“That was the doctor who’ll do my hypnosis,” she said, confirming Mack’s thoughts. “He has an opening at four today at his office, and I took it. It’s in the medical center attached to the hospital.”
Mack swallowed to be sure his tone didn’t sound defensive or angry. “He wouldn’t come here?”
“It’s not that he wouldn’t, but he couldn’t come today and make his other appointments due to travel time.” She paused and looked deeply into Mack’s eyes. “I know this isn’t ideal, but if I start remembering things, we could really get this investigation moving. Can we make it work?”
At her vulnerable tone and question, Mack’s heart softened and he nodded. “Of course.”
“Thank you. I know that means we only have a couple of hours to figure out transport, but after hearing someone matching Zamora’s description was outside my hospital room, I can’t imagine that he or Razo are expecting me outside of the hospital.”
“I would agree with that.” Mack started running ideas through his head, rejecting some and moving on. “Off the top of my head, I’d suggest we use the doctors’ parking area for our arrival. It’s undercover and away from the public parking lot. And we can use their private entrance too.”
“Sounds good to me.” She smiled. “If you can arrange it.”
“No worries there. One thing, though. We’ll have to take hospital corridors to get to the medical building, and you’re going to be out in the open. There’s nothing we can do about that.”
She frowned. “But I’ll be heading to the medical center, and again, they won’t expect me to be there.”
“It’s still dangerous. I’ll need you to wear another disguise and keep your guard up.” He met her gaze and held it. “Will you promise to do that? For me?”
“I’d do that even if you didn’t ask, but yes, for you I will beextra careful.” A soft smile played on her face and wrapped warmth around his heart.
Her comment made it seem as if they’d anchored something between them, and yet, in less than three hours she might remember him, and their relationship—or whatever they were developing between them now—might end. They could be back to the same impasse.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked, her chin lifting ever so slightly, as if she felt a need to defend herself.
He thought to blow off her question, to make light of his thoughts, but he wouldn’t want her to do that to him. He crossed over to her and squatted down so he was at eye level with her while continuing to keep watch on the deck. Bear popped up to stare at him, and Mack patted the dog’s head to reassure him everything was okay.
Mack looked at Addy. “I was wondering what will happen if at this appointment you start to remember me—if you remember my issue and how you feel about me and our past together. Will you let me keep working with you? Protecting you?”
“I hadn’t even thought of that.” She tangled her fingers together. “I mean, I hope to remember, but I didn’t really consider what would happen then.”
“And now that I brought it up?”
“I ... I don’t know—I won’t know until the memories come back.” She reached out and touched his cheek. Gently. Softly. Like a butterfly landing. “Our time together has told me you’re an amazing man. Someone I could see myself falling for all over again, so I assume everything will remain the same.”
“Addy, I—” He reached up to capture her hand and hold it tightly in his and was suddenly very thankful they’d stepped out on the deck and away from his teammates. “I want you to know how much I still love you and want to fix my issues. To get back together as husband and wife. But I—”
“But licking the PTSD is still going to be a challenge.” She sounded so sad it broke his heart.
He was disappointing her again, and he hated that, but he needed to explain. “It’s like your memory loss. You can’t change it. You can try today with the hypnosis and do other things I imagine in the future, but you can’t just will it to come back. Just like I can’t will the PTSD to go away.”
He took a long breath to clear his head. “It’s so much better than when we were together, but I still have flashbacks and bad dreams. And although they’re rare, it would take only one horrific episode for me to hurt you again.” He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it, then looked her in the eye. “I’d rather die than hurt you. I just can’t take the risk right now.”
