Page 9 of Dima
“Come on in. I already got it on the stove, and it’s just about done.”
I walked into my grandparents’ home, and my mother’s face was the first thing I saw. Her graduation photo was framed and hung in the foyer. I could always feel her when I stepped into this house, and today wasn’t any different.
My father never kept me away from my grandparents. He made sure I always had a relationship with them, and I was thankful for that. I got to know my mother through mygrandparents. My dad had reduced her to boxes of memories, but my grandparents’ home acted as a shrine.
My mother died bringing me into this world, so although I’d never met her, I knew her energy. I didn’t know if it was the way my grandmother loved me or the way my pawpaw taught me things he once taught her, but it was something about being in their home that made me feel close to her.
“What brings you this way, baby?”
“I was on my way to the compound to check on my Jeep. I dropped it off the other day so that one of the mechanics can look at it. It only needed a few minor things, but Daddy didn’t want me waiting around for it. He said I could just pick it up today.”
“That’s probably for the best. You don’t need to be around the men on that compound.”
“You sound like him now.”
“I may not agree with your father on much these days, but I can assure you,thatwe agree on.”
My grandma pointed her finger as she moved around the kitchen. She took down plates and utensils and got ready to set the table for us to eat. I could tell how happy she was to feed her family. This kitchen was her happy place.
“You want me to help you set the table?”
“You remind me so much of your mama. She always wanted to help me in the kitchen, even after she got married and had her own kitchen to tend to.”
Hearing those words was one of the reasons I stopped here today. It was like I lived for her to tell me that I reminded her of my mama. I needed to know I had some pieces of her in me, despite her never being able to see my face or raise me in her image. Just hearing that filled holes in my heart that I didn’t know were there.
“Thank you, Grandma. I’m glad I can remind you of her. We all need reminders every now and then. I wish I could have met her.”
“I wish you could have met her too, baby. She was the highlight of my life, but I’m so happy I have you here and that you come over to see me and your grandpa from time to time.”
“I will always make my way over here, Grandma. I love being here with y’all.”
“That’s so good to hear.”
“Grandma, do you mind if I go in Mama’s room for a bit after I set the table?”
“You know you always welcome to walk around this house and go in that room anytime you want to.”
“Thank you, Ma.”
“Take your time, and don’t rush back out here. I’ll have your plate waiting for you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I kissed my grandma on the cheek again and hugged her from behind. She gave my hand a reassuring pat before I let go and walked to the back of the house.
I was in my mother’s room for about twenty minutes. I snuggled her pillows and teddy bears, stared at the posters and pictures that littered her walls, and acknowledged everything she held dear in her teenage and young adult years. That twenty minutes made me feel like I was wrapped in her arms, and that was what I needed.
After I was done in my mother’s room, I sat down for dinner with my grandparents and ate some of the most delicious food. When I was done, I hugged them both and headed out the door. It didn’t take me long to get from my grandparents’ house to the compound, and before I knew it, I was pulling up in front of the clubhouse.
It was a Friday, so the clubhouse was packed. Half naked women walked the street while music blasted from every direction. Weed smoke filled the air, while everybody vibed to the music.
I didn’t see Guard anywhere in sight, so I knew I wouldn’t be here long. I walked toward the garage in search of my Jeep. I loved riding my mama’s bike, but the Jeep felt like home. I was ready to get back to her.
Dima assaulted me with his eyes as soon as I walked into the garage. He refused to look away like most of the guys did whenever they were in my presence. It was almost like he dared me to say something about it.
I didn’t trust Dima. He was too quiet and too clean. He didn’t look like someone who would be part of my father’s crew. And the way he looked at me made me feel things I wasn’t used to.
“Hey.”
